Don't go || m.c

8

I wake up but I don't feel sad, I don't feel happy either, I feel nothing, a numb feeling through my whole body, no tears, not even one rolls down my face. All day I have a constant feeling of being numb, no emotions, no nothing. I woke up just to go back to sleep again at the end of the day.

Ashton's POV

I can't stand not seeing Lil, I need her, I need to talk to her, just see her. Michael is off fucking the second girl he's picked up this week. I get up and drive to Lil's house and gently knock on the door, Jade answers.

"Hey, did you want to come in?" She asks, sadness laces her voice.

"What's wrong?" I ask, trying to comfort her despite my desperate need to see Lil.

"Your friend, she hasn't seen him since Monday and its killing her."

I know exactly what she's talking about but it can't be killing her, I mean it was killing me that I couldn't see her but surely she isn't feeling that bad. I walk past Lil's room to see her staring at the ceiling, it's so painful to see her like this and it's my fault, all my fault. I walk back out to talk to Jade.

"This is my fault," I whisper.

"How?"

"Remember when you asked me if Michael was good for Lil and I said yes?" She nods so I continue, "I lied, he uses girls for sex, he is with someone right now, fucking her senseless. I couldn't let that happen to Lil so I told him to not see her for a week so she would forget about him, but in turn I couldn't see her either," I explain.

"I wish it worked but she bases her happiness on people, in this case Michael so it wont."

Does that mean she loves Michael? No, this is so much worse, what do you do when you really like someone who loves your friend but your friend is going to brake her heart? I stumble backwards and fall against the wall, I can't hear anything, I can just see Jade's mouth moving as she tries to talk to me, I feel like I've been punched in the gut but the pain is in my chest, I hold in tears even though this is one of the must painful things I've ever felt. I hear Lil roll over and brings my senses back.

"Please talk to her," I catch the end of Jade's sentence, her eyes sad, I nod and walk into Lil's room.

"Hey Lil," I say.

"Oh hi Ash, I haven't seen you since Monday, when are you coming back?" She asks.

"What? I'm right here," confusion clear in my voice, what is she talking about, can't she see me?

"Are you hanging out with Michael? Can you come here with him so I don't have to imagine you standing here talking to me?" Her voice catches in her throat when she says Michael's name.

"Are you sure? Because if you tell me right now that you want him, I can bring him."

"I want him."

"Lil," I say with tears burning my eyes, "I need you to look at me when you say you want him, I need to know you're telling the truth."

"Why are you crying Ash?"

"Because you're imagining me crying," I whisper, she thinks she's imagining me, I've done this to her, driven her insane, I feel like yelling, screaming that it is me, I am here but I've done enough to hurt her and I just want her to be happy again.

"I love you Lil, you're so beautiful and I want you to want me but if you say you want Michael, he'll come and I'll go," I say, I don't even know why I told her I loved her, I didn't plan on saying it but I did as if it was the most obvious thing in the world but usually the most obvious is the most overlooked.