Acrophilia

VI: judgmental

        Since his mother's accident, Jaebeom often dreams of car accidents. It's never him the one getting in an accident, he's always a witness or the perpetrator, and in most of those dreams, his mother is stuck in an upside-down car and he cannot get her out. The young man wakes up with a scream stuck in his throat, cold sweat pearling his skin and the horror reflected in his eyes. It gets worse when he wakes up from those dreams at home where he cannot find his mother, but it's not better when he wakes up at the hospital and she's still in coma.

It's just never easy.

Tonight, when in his dream, though, the person trapped inside the upside-down car is Park Jinyoung. He hangs, trapped with the seatbelt, his black hair falling and from his scalp red drops slide down like the raindrops he saw rolling through his skin the last time he saw him in real life. His fair complexion is tainted with blood and he looks like a nightmare from hell, cuts everywhere and arms twisted in unnatural angles; but when Jaebeom goes to save him, Jinyoung only grins.

Stop trying to be a hero and let me die, says the Jinyoung in his dream and Jaebeom is even more perturbed but he doesn't listen and reaches out to unbuckle the seatbelt.

You can't always save me... or anyone else for what matters. People will die on you, sooner or later. Better get used to it.

No, no, no, Jaebeom mumbles, refusing to let anyone die if he can do anything to save them. It doesn't matter who that person is, whether his mother or a crazy person like Jinyoung, Jaebeom will try and save them.

Jaebeom wakes up from that dream frantic and desperate instead of terrified like he normally does, his determination increasing his heartbeat and making his breathing ragged. Jinyoung's expression in his dream was the most disturbing thing, how surrendered he was, how accepting and welcoming of death.

Trying to calm down, Jaebeom checks the time on his mobile and realises he had another half hour before his alarm had to ring so he deems pointless trying to go back to sleep. Instead, he gets out of bed and goes to get a glass of water and just starts to get ready for the day. His head feels stuffy and he's more tired than usual, but he had a bad night sleep and got soaked wet, not to mention the traumatic experience with Jinyoung.

When he's back in his room—after showering and getting dressed—to get his belongings before heading out to the hospital, he finds the rest of the bread Jinyoung gave him. A little smile comes to his lips as he grabs it in his hands and takes a new bite. It's not bad so he eats it all as he heads out of his home, without even worrying if his father even came back last night.

To the hospital, he takes the bus in the morning as there's one that goes directly from his sector to the hospital so he doesn't need to commute and it's just the most convenient thing, so he swallows his wariness and takes it. There's an empty seat so he goes for it and just listens to music to distract himself. He'd normally read but now he doesn't read unless he's reading to his mother so she won't miss a bit of the story.

The visit times don't start until nine AM, but even if his father is registered as the guardian, Jaebeom is the acting one and everyone knows it so he can come and go as he pleases. On his way to his mother's room, he greets the nurses on shift at that time, the sleepy doctors he runs into and anyone else. His mood has improved a bit since he woke up, but he still feels exhausted and his head has started to hurt.

However, Jaebeom puts everything aside to focus on his mother when he walks in the room, smiling brightly as if there was nothing wrong. She cannot see anything, but that doesn't mean he won't try.

"Good morning, eomma. How are you feeling today? Isn't a good day to wake up?" Asks the boy as he opens the curtains. "It might rain a bit in the afternoon, but for now it looks like a good day. It's not too hot or cold, the skies are clear and I miss you a lot so I would be extremely happy if you wake up."