Acrophilia

XXIV: ever-changing

     By now, the fact his mind is frequently consumed by Jinyoung doesn't surprise Jaebeom anymore. He's gotten used to randomly thinking of the younger when he's doing something else, wondering what his friend is doing at the moment, if Jinyoung also thinks of him as often as he does. He does keep quiet about that, just to save himself the endless teasing from his friends.

Jinyoung makes it to his thoughts even when he's focusing on his studies again. As Jaebeom's mother is doing increasingly better, he can actually worry about university, working hard to catch up with everyone else. He'd been attending to most of his lectures but all that time he was mostly warming a chair instead of learning. Now he's had to ask for help to his classmates, study three times harder just so he can pass his courses instead of falling and getting behind.

His friends are helping him, like Youngjae bringing him coffee when he locks himself in the library to study. Mark and Jackson make sure to drag him out of the library for proper food instead of just coffee and bread. His mother also watches him fondly when he's studying by her side at the hospital, asking him questions so he can verbalise what he's learning. And by the end of the day, he meets Jinyoung who sits by his side, watching him going over his notes, reading theory and watching other photographer's work as he tries to get inspired. Jinyoung listens fascinated as Jaebeom explains how to use his camera, or patiently when he complains about not having a clue what to make his final project about, what story to tell.

By now, Jinyoung is as constant in his life as his mother and friends. However, Jinyoung is also the most unsettling presence. It's not only that it seems Jinyoung only exists when he's next to Jaebeom, not doing anything else during the day. No, that's not the most unsettling thing about Jinyoung but how changing he is. He never looks the same two times, and sometimes he looks so different as if he was another person, another version of himself, but it's always just him, knowing everything they always talk about, continuing their conversations, always worrying about his mother's health.

One day, Jinyoung shows up bright and joyful, as if life was the most wonderful thing. He jokes, laughs out loud, teases Jaebeom endlessly and never stops smiling. Seeing Jinyoung like that makes Jaebeom's heart soar with delight because it doesn't seem like he could lose his friend the next day. When Jinyoung looks like that, Jaebeom can't stop staring, loving the deep crinkles at the corner of his eyes, a sight of a happy smile and many years doing that. Jaebeom particularly loves the way the corner of Jinyoung's mouth curl in a wide smile, showing all his teeth and making him look young because he just seems so full of life.

Happy Jinyoung's is Jaebeom's favourite.

But on the next day, Jinyoung comes looking younger, so much younger but only on the exterior. His eyes, those deep brown eyes, look way much older, carrying all the burdens from the world. His expression is exhausted, worn out and painted with despair. He barely talks and hides under the long fringe, his hair much longer than it should be after just one day. Jinyoung's smiles on that particular day are sad, fake and borderline hypocritical. Seeing Jinyoung like that makes Jaebeom so anxious because it gives him the impression Jinyoung won't show up the next day as he looks as someone who has already given up. When Jaebeom sees him like that, he ends up holding on to his friend a lot more, as if like that he could stop him from doing something crazy. He makes Jinyoung rest on his shoulder or his lap, soothing him with soft and tender caresses, playing with his jet black hair.

"You hair grows abnormally fast," Jaebeom points out, his notes aside and Jinyoung on his lap, his own fingers playing with the long strands. His hair can almost cover completely the big ears Jaebeom is already so fond of.

"Hmmm..." Jinyoung mutters, per usual, not giving a clear answer to such harmless comment.

"How often do you need to get it cut?" Jaebeom continues because it really makes him curious. One Day Jinyoung's hair can be really short, as if he had had a buzzcut not long ago, but a few days later he looks as if he hasn't got a haircut in months.