Acrophilia

XVIII: worry

       By the time Jaebeom wants to go back to the hospital, Jinyoung still has no plans or any intention to head back home. The more he watches the younger, the more apprehension grows in his guts. There's instability in his eyes, an emptiness that's only noticeable when you truly look into his dark eyes. Jaebeom doesn't want to leave him alone for the time being, so he takes the boy with him.

They take the same route to the hospital, and all the while Jinyoung is quiet and absentminded. Jaebeom doesn't try to break the ice, only watching his companion through the reflection, wishing to know what triggered him to continue in this state. Their relationship is tentative yet, Jaebeom just recently accepting he cares about the other young man. He's shared a lot of his own burdens, but Jinyoung has always been vague about his life, his family and everything else. He knows there must be a reason for that, but he feels hesitant to probe further.

Jaebeom is still debating himself when they arrive at the hospital. He's about to just walk through the doors but Jinyoung has stopped and doesn't seem to have the intention to follow him anymore.

"Do you wanna go back home now?" Jaebeom asks, not stepping back, just turning around and watching him standing a few steps from the doors.

"Not precisely," Jinyoung answers. "But I don't feel like going inside right now."

"Then where will you be going to?" Jaebeom can't help his apprehension, having a bad feeling in his guts. Something's telling him not to leave Jinyoung alone.

Jinyoung shrugs. "I don't know, but hyung, you don't need to look at me with those eyes. I'm not going to go jump off the bridge or anything."

"I know, it's not your style," Jaebeom points out, remembering the day they met and what Jinyoung said about jumping into the Hangang. "But you don't look like you should be alone right now. Why don't you go home? Or do you live alone?"

"I'm supposed to live with my parents," Jinyoung answers, making Jaebeom frowns at the way he phrases that. "But even if I go home, it's not like they'll notice me."

Jaebeom holds on to that little information, wanting to know more and more about Jinyoung, trying to understand why he is the way he is, what's pushing him to feel so lonely and why he has nothing that makes him glad to be alive.

"Do you have a bad relationship with your parents? Both of them? What about your sisters?"

It's evident Jaebeom has asked too many questions too fast in the way Jinyoung smiles, because it's so different from every other smiles the younger has given him before. This smile is darker and infinitely sadder.

"You can say they gave up on me already," Jinyoung muses, his eyes on the floor, the dark smile on his lips, making Jaebeom feel uncomfortable. "I'm sure they wouldn't even miss me if one day I'm gone."

"I'm sure it isn't like that, Jinyoung-ah. Have you talked to them?" Jaebeom doesn't exactly like how he sounds right now, his tone is the one of an older man, someone who thinks knows more and is being patronising.

Jinyoung probably feels the same because for the first time, Jaebeom sees annoyance in the younger's eyes when he looks up, his expression tense.

"Don't talk like you have any idea what my family are like," Jinyoung says in such a cold tone Jaebeom feels it in his bones. "You think I haven't talked to them? You think I've never tried to make them understand?"

"I'm sorry... I—" Jaebeom mutters but Jinyoung's features only harden.

"You thought you knew better and how to make everything right, thinking it's just easy, like talking fixes it all." Jaebeom feels truly sorry, he didn't mean to belittle Jinyoung's situation, his feelings or anything.