Acrophilia

XXVII: fallout

     As time passes by, Jaebeom settles even more in his routine. Studying, preparing his final project, helping his mother, meeting Jinyoung at the rooftop of his building. He often teases Jinyoung that by this point the people around must think he actually lives in the building with how comfortably he comes in and out every day.

"I assure you, they barely notice me," Jinyoung replies, bundled up in blankets next to Jaebeom at the rooftop, shielding themselves from the biting cold of December in Seoul.

Jaebeom isn't heartless and he actually asks his friend to go inside if he pleases, every time. Yet Jinyoung declines time and time again, refusing at the same time meeting his mother, or any of his friends when Jaebeom suggests it.

His friends, however, keep pestering him to meet the famous Jinyoung, urging him to be more persuasive or just trick the younger to come somewhere where they accidentally will meet.

"Foolproof plan," Jackson states, Mark only smiles, Jaebeom thinks about it before he shakes his head. He knows Jinyoung wouldn't appreciate something like that, and he's too clever not to realise it was a plan. Moreover, Jackson isn't subtle.

In addition, Jinyoung doesn't seem fond of the idea of sharing his time with anyone but Jaebeom. Once the older actually asked if he didn't even want to make other friends, vouching for his, saying they were nice and would never do anything to make him uncomfortable. At least not on purpose.

"I don't need any more friends. I have you and that's more than enough for me," Jinyoung replied when Jaebeom commented on the fact.

Along with a very unbecoming blush he did his best to hide, Jaebeom struggled with a racing heart and a stomach tied in knot.

"Anyone that heard you saying that would say you're dependent of me," the older tried to pass it as a joke.

"Is there a problem with that? Does it bother you?"

As if the statement on its own didn't make Jaebeom's heart race even more, the look in the younger's eyes and the tone of his voice was enough to leave the older speechless. All he could do was shaking his head and trying to swallow the lump in his throat.

Jaebeom might be dense, but he's not that bad as not to realise just friends don't react in the way he does, they don't feel as possessive as he does when it comes to Jinyoung, or as protective, or as flustered for tiny things. Just friends don't crave so much seeing the other, or any sort of contact. His feelings for Jinyoung aren't the same kind as his feelings for Jackson and Mark, for instance. Or for his younger cousin Youngjae. What he feels for Jinyoung is something he's never experienced before and it's both terrifying and worrisome.

He questioned his own sexuality long ago, when Jackson realised he was more attracted to men than women, but that overall he cared more about the person instead of their sex or whatever. As his closest friend discovered what being pansexual meant, Jaebeom obviously questioned himself and tried to see if there was a more suitable label for him than heterosexual. With Jackson he went learning so many other divisions and realising there wasn't just homosexual and heterosexual, there's a whole colourful spectrum in the queer world.

He realised long ago heterosexual felt too restraining and it didn't fit him, but he never got a label. He did relate when Jackson said sexual attraction was just chemical so it was in the brain, while love was in the heart and soul and for that, gender or sex didn't matter.

Jaebeom has never being in love or liked someone enough to actually pursue a relationship. He dated a few girls that confessed to him in high school, but after a week or less he broke up with them. He dated a guy on his first year of university and it went well, but his feelings never grew and when the guy realised he broke up with him, saying love had to be mutual.