Acrophilia

XX: missing

trigger warning: mentions of attempted suicide.

       Jaebeom's mother continues rehabilitation diligently, and Jaebeom relaxes more and more every day regarding that. She's working hard and progressing fast. The tests revealed she will be twenty-six percent paralysed, but she'd be able to walk with a crane and do most things without assistance. Her speech will improve as well and she shouldn't have major problems communicating, still some days could be harder than others. What is wonderful is that aside from that, his mother will not show other sequels after the accident, and Jaebeom and his aunt couldn't be happier. Everyone, actually, even the doctor was surprised and glad about the diagnosis.

One week after she woke up, Jaebeom's mother is already speaking full sentences, slower than normal but at least she's communicating. She can lift and squeeze with both hands now, although she still struggles with her left hand quite a bit; her left leg is still very unresponsive.

All in all, she's doing wonderful and that's the best thing.

One week later, too, Jaebeom hasn't seen Jinyoung anywhere, which is now his main worry. The last time he saw him, the young man looked so unstable and on edge, so Jaebeom cannot help imagining the worst case scenario.

Jaebeom's nightmares have changed after his mother woke up, but they have not disappeared. Instead of a car accident, Jaebeom dreams with bridges over dark pits of water, and Jinyoung standing on the rail, the wind pulling his clothes and hair in every direction, the rain pouring and mixing with his own tears. He opens his arms, welcoming the storm and death.

Jaebeom screams his name.

Jinyoung turns to look at him.

Jaebeom sprints forward.

Jinyoung smiles.

Jaebeom fears.

Jinyoung jumps.

Jaebeom wakes up screaming, hands reaching out to nothing but thin air.

Sometimes his dreams change a bit, instead of a bridge Jinyoung is on top of a tall, unmeasurably tall building, There are clouds everywhere and it's impossible to see the bottom, the street. It seems like the free fall will be endless. And Jaebeom never makes it to Jinyoung side, his hand inches from grabbing his friend's clothes but always too late, he only sees him falling, swallowed by the clouds and abyss.

When Jaebeom wakes, his eyes are filled with frustrated tears, his skin pearled with cold sweat and his throat sore with hopeless screams. And with every passing day that he doesn't see Jinyoung, it gets worse. Because of those nightmares (and because his mother doesn't allow it anymore) he sleeps at home now, where even if he screams in the middle of the night, his father won't care or won't even hear him. However, that emptiness at home, without anyone to reassure him it was just a bad dream, it's suffocating.

Jaebeom regrets so much not getting Jinyoung's number, because when he wakes up from a nightmare he's even more desperate to just call him, hear his voice to know he's still alive. He needs just that reassurance. Even a text message would help, anything.

It's overwhelming how worried Jaebeom grows day by day, evidence of how much he actually cares about Jinyoung by now, how quickly the boy grew on him. It makes Jaebeom incredibly sad to think that maybe one day Jinyoung will succeed and kill himself, get in some accident or intentionally take his life... and Jaebeom will never find out. No one will let him know Jinyoung isn't with them anymore, he'll live the rest of his life not knowing what happened to that different and strange young man he met on a bridge.

His mother notices his mood, the worry he carries and how his thoughts often drift to somewhere else, far away from the present.

"What worries you, adeul?" She asks, slowly and careful to pronounce every word correctly. Some sounds are still confusing and inaccurate, but he can still understand what she wanted to say, and she uses very simple sentences.