The Little Unexpected Things

Christmas!

Edward's P.O.V

"Shit, here I thought the only time I'd be in one of these was when I was shopping for my own baby," Emmett said as he picked up a breast pump. "What the hell is this?"

"It's a breast pump, you genius. It'll suck the milk out of your sister's breast," Jasper said.

"Bro, chill!" Emmett drops the breast pump and covers his ears like a child hearing about sex for the first time. "Ew, ew, ew."

"He's not wrong," I laugh. I pick up a cute teddy bear, look at it for a good minute, then just throw it back to the shelf. I hate stuffed animals. "How hard can it be to pick a present for an unborn baby?"

Emmett steps next to me. "Why are you getting the baby a present? He isn't gonna be here till May."

"Or Early June," Jasper adds.

I roll my eyes. "It's something more for Bella than the baby. We've already got it a bunch of teddy bears he or she won't be using for a while after it's born, so I have no clue what to get her."

Jasper walks over to us with that... That little shit they use to suck the baby's bugger's out and which name I forgot. He squeezes it repeatedly and then squeezes it against Emmett's ear. Emmett jerks away and then grabs another one and does the exact same thing.

"Can you both behave?" I snap. I smile at a couple of pregnant women looking at us with weird looks down the hall. "I'd like to be able to buy a present before being kicked out."

Jasper laughs. "Damn, y'all do realize that by next Christmas, we'll have a baby crawling around in the apartment." I smile at the thought. "That means no sneaking around to have sex with Rosalie anymore, Emmett."

I give Jasper a look. "You had to ruin it, didn't you?"

Jasper raised his hands in the air. "I'm just saying."

Emmett laughs as he's picking and poking some other shit that catches his attention. Shit, he has the attention span of a three year old.

"Well, just shut up." I look back at the shelf and groan. "How hard is it to pick a fucking present!"

An old woman peeks her head from around the corner. She's wearing the Babies R Us uniform. I hear a bunch of fumbling from behind me and Emmett's shit grunts and Jasper's chuckles. I smile apologetically at the woman, whose name tag reads Juliana.

"Is there something I can help you with, sweetheart?"

Jasper coughs to hide his laugh.

"Um, no I'm just having trouble picking a present for a pregnant woman and an a unborn baby," I say. "I should be ready to blow my brains out any minute now."

The woman chuckles. "Oh, it's not the end of the world, darling. Here, let me help you find something. I assure you you'll walk out of this store with the best gifts you can give someone."

"Oh, oh!" Emmett steps in. "Can you help me too?"

"Yeah, me too!" Jasper steps in beside him.

I groan. "Fucking great."

* * *

Emmett walks in Alice's apartment. "Merry-fucking-Christmas!"

I walk in behind him. "It's Christmas Eve, dumbass."

"Potato-potahto," he says, placing his presents under Alice's giant Christmas tree. "So, what's for dinner?"

Alice says, "Mashed potatoes, Chicken, Lasagna, Pasta..."