The Little Unexpected Things

Sunshine

Edward's P.O.V

Blank. Nothing. Nada. Is there seriously nothing I got to say? I'm staring at the white piece of paper with the pencil in my hand and no idea where to start. What the hell am I going to say? Emphasis on how great of a father he was? On what a successful life he had? On how a great doctor he was that saved many lives? On how he didn't fucking deserve... Fuck!

I slam the pencil down on the table and tug my hair, hard, probably pulling some of it out. I groan loudly and shove myself away from the table, knocking the chair down.

"Fuck this, I'm not doing it."

"Hey, hey." Bella walks out of the kitchen after me with Ella in arms. "What happened?"

I look at her. "I'm not doing it, Bella. I'm not doing it. I'm not going to stand in front of a bunch of people that probably didn't even know him and-and say things about my dad that-" I stop myself. It's hard to breathe with all the pent up emotions and... And... Fuck. Breathe, Edward. Breathe. "I'm just gonna-" I inhale... "I'm gonna ask Alice to do it. If not, no one is giving a eulogy."

Bella grabs me by the collar of my shirt and turns me to her, taking the side of my face in her free hand. "Alice is not going to do it, Edward. Neither is your mother, or Emmett, or anyone else who ever met Carlisle. There is a reason why Esme asked you to do it."

I sigh, defeated and tug on my hair once again. I wish I could do it. I wish I was strong enough to stand there tomorrow and talk about my father... But my heart is breaking. "Bella... I-I can't. He's my dad and... And he knows I love him... I just... I just don't know if I can stand there tomorrow and speak. It's all too much, too soon. I still can't wrap my mind around what just happened and now I have to write a fucking eulogy? I'm not even thirty and he was barely fifty and this happens? What kind of fucked up shit is this?"

Bella acts quickly. She sits Ella down on her pumpkin seat and kneels down in front me. I didn't realize I had dropped on the couch until the moment she comes eye to eye with me. Bella takes my face between her hands and kisses me on the lips, then wrapping her arms around me and pulling me into a hug. We stay there for a while, embracing each other and not saying anything. The only sound comes off Ella's pumpkin seat where she babbles away, kicking her feet up in the air. I hide my face in the crook of Bella's neck and inhale her sweet fragrance. A mixture of strawberry and simply her.

"You don't have to do it," she whispers between kisses against my shoulder. "No one is going to think less of you, no one is going to judge you. If you don't feel up to it, you don't have to do it, okay? Your dad, your friends, your family and I will understand."

I pull away from her, meeting her eyes once again and say, "You're my family."

Bella smiles. "Don't worry about it, okay? We'll go tomorrow to the service and get through it together, say our goodbyes and come home. All one step at a time. Deal?"

One step at a time. Yes, I think I can do that. One step at a time. I look at her, this time with a smile and pull her hair behind her ear. "What in the world would I ever do without you?"

"Probably go crazy," she jokes. Ella cries on cue. Bella pulls away and gets up from the floor. "It's dinner time. You hungry?"

"No, not really. If you want, bring your food here and I'll feed Ella and we can watch a movie?"

"Sounds great." She pecks me on the lips and gets up. Ella continues crying, even when I pick her up and try to calm her. "Sh, it's okay. Daddy has you. It's okay, baby girl." I bring her little head against my shoulder and press small kisses on her little head. "The other night dear, as I laid sleeping, I dreamed I held you in my arms. When I awoke dear, I was mistaken. So I hung my head and I cried...