Identical Memories (An OHSHC Fanfic) [Completed]

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Emi

I was numb.

Impossibly numb.

"--a blood clot, most likely, but we won't know really--"

Frozen from head to toe.

"--was fine!"

I couldn't think.

"--truly sorry."

The world seemed to be flickering in and out of reality. One moment, I was dozing in a chair.

Flicker.

"There was nothing we could do."

Flicker.

A loud, alarming beep fills the previously silent room.

Flicker.

Hiroshi is curled up in a chair, hands pulling at his hair.

Flicker.

Nurses everywhere. Some impossible realization comes through me. I start yelling.

Flicker.

Kitaru is on the phone. Hiroshi's entire body is shaking as he cries.

Flicker.

I'm kicked out of the room as a doctor shows up and starts calling for paddles.

Flicker.

Kitaru is telling the doctors to come back later. Hiroshi is quiet.

Flicker.

The doctors are talking. They're apologizing. Their words don't reach my ears, not really.

Click.

Something fell together. Reality slaps me in the face. The doctors return, and they're talking to an eerily calm Hiroshi about donation. My voice, empty of emotion, says words that never reach my ears. Some, distant part of me knows I told them she'd wanted to give everything possible.

They left.

Neither one of us speak a word.

Kitaru pulls out his phone when I'm paying attention. His voice drifts over my ears without really registering. Hiroshi's voice sounds hoarse as he asked about the call. Kitaru says something about calling our parents.

Hiroshi lashes out, like I might have done if the numbness hadn't been there.

The room is so cold.

Some part of me urges me to ask, but the rest of me knows better. I don't move. Hiroshi yells at one of the few people in the world that care what happened; he yells about talking to people who never did. Kitaru stays still, taking the verbal lashing. At some point, Hiroshi collapses into his chair once more, physically unable to continue. Kitaru puts away his phone, stepping over to where I am. He reaches for my hands, and it registers then that they were clamped down on something.

Knowing I won't respond, he takes it from me and begins swiping his fingers across the screen. They still as he finds what he was looking for.

The phone rings.

"Hello?"

"I can't say anything now, but I need to you to come to the hopsital..."

Reality clicks off again.

___________________________________

Even years from that morning, I would never be able to tell someone clearly what happened. I'd remember bits and pieces, but nothing clear. I was probably in shock. I still was in shock when the host club arrived-- the only emotional comfort Kitaru could think of to help us. He wasn't equipped to deal with us both, and we weren't functioning.

At first, they hadn't seemed to realize what was going on. They'd filed into the room, apprehensive. Then they saw our faces. They, too, seemed to go numb for a moment. Then, Kyoya left the room, the door clicking shut as he fled. Some part of me wondered if he was going to go demand answers from the staff. Haruhi was the first to actually move into the room. She came over and sat by my side, asking words that didn't reach my ears. Their presence gave Kitaru the ability to focus on Hiroshi, once again balled up in his chair.

I just sat there, numb.

Eventually, I found my tongue.

"She died."

Half the club realized that breaking down there wouldn't be a good idea. Tamaki and Honey stepped out of the room, Mori following them. Kaoru found his way to the other seat next to me, Hikaru awkwardly lingering in the middle of the floor.

Again, the words they said never washed over me without sinking in.

My mind was full of Eri. Eri.

I didn't cry. At the time, it wasn't possible. Instead, I went cold as ice. Eventually those there realized that talking to me wasn't doing any good, and I found myself being pulled against Haruhi, her arms wrapping around me. Later, I wondered for a bit about why it hadn't been Hikaru, but then realized that perhaps it was good that Haruhi had been the one. Out of the three options that'd been there at the moment, she was the one who had an inkling of the pain that had sealed away my heart.

An impossible to count amount of time passed, then the others rejoined us. They didn't say anything, simply took seats in the room. The silence comforted me.

Time passed again, without recollection. A full day went by in which my mouth didn't utter a word beyond those initial two words. The next day, they coaxed simple things out of me. They managed to make my hand move, mechanically feeding myself food that had no taste. The host club dropped by multiple times, never really knowing what to say.

Someone helped me through the motion of writing a eulogy. My parents returned, all three of them, but I refused to speak to a single one of them. They eventually gave up trying to get into my room.

Then, eventually, the funeral arrived.

At first, I was fine. I sat, still numb, in the row for family as people spoke of someone that most of them didn't really know. Eventually, however, I found myself standing behind the stand, eyes focused on the paper before me. My vision blurred, the smooth writing suddenly smudged with the beginning of tears.

"Eri is... was my twin sister."

My heart began to beat again. Most likely, it'd never stopped, but until then I hadn't noticed.

"We fought over stupid things all the time. But, we were sisters."

I could barely read the pages through my tears. My voice cracked. Still, I tried to continue.

"We used to talk... talk about..."

I couldn't see the page at that point. Someone stepped up and took the page from me. I crouched down, hands covering my eyes as the tears finally fell.

Then, I sobbed.

At some point, someone urged me back to my seat. The funeral continued. Someone read my page. My next breakdown happened when it came time to step up to the casket. Eri looked like an angel.

I could only look for a few seconds before it was too much.

I fled the room, whispers following in my wake as I tore out into the hall, and then to the street outside the funeral home. Outside, I could finally breathe.

I collapsed to the sidewalk, hysterics taking over. I couldn't breathe over the force of the sobs that ribbed through my body. Before a minute had passed, someone had joined me. He crouched in front of me, pulling me up and into his arms. Then, he just held me, as I fell apart in his arms. He didn't say a word. Just held me as the world seemed to disappear for a few moments, crushed beneath the weight of my grief.

My nightmares had finally come to life.

There was no escaping the pain.