reveal secrets. | langst/klangst [DISCONTINUED]

raging tears

// I wanna say sorry for not updating last week, Christmas was very hectic for me. But I still hope you enjoy this chapter. I'm publishing two today, just cause it's New Years Eve and I'm gonna be busy. On to the the next chapter!//

Lance

Another day done. Another thing I fuck up. Another lecture. Repeat.

I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. I accidentally shot Hunk. He'll hate me. He'll hate me so much. He is just putting up with me isn't he. I stayed in the infirmary to gaurd him. I honestly don't want to see what he'll think of me after but... I gotta know if he's okay.

After a few hours of staying here, he finally burst out of the pod. He looked up at me and hugged me. I was surprised but hugged back and started tearing up. I didn't know what to do.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. So sorry. I'm sorry" I sobbed on his shoulder like a broken record. He sobbed on mine. We both knew that our friendship wouldn't end by such a small thing. Pidge walked in and hugged us both. I stepped away to give them both time.

I didn't want to ruin this moment for them. I know that Pidge is in love with him and well, let's just say, Hunk can be clueless sometimes. Allura stands beside me and glares at me. I shrug it off and let this happen.

After everyone has checked up on him, I excused myself. I left, I didn't want to hear the lectures right now. I just wanted to breathe. For now, that is all I need. For now, that is all I want.

I went in the obseration deck and just sat in the middle of it. I didn't need to see te space right now, I just needed to be alone. I needed to be by myself. I wanted to be alone.

I hear footsteps behind me and Coran sits next to me. While I've been here, Coran has been like a dad for me. We all admit that Shiro is the "dad" of the group. But for me, Alone, it's Coran. Just him.

There are a lot of things that scare me. There are the practical ones and ones that everyone would question. I mean, for a guy who flirts all the time, you'd be surpised to know that he's afraid of love.

It's the beating of my heart. The beating of my heart terrifies me. The beating of my heart that either tells me I'm okay. The beating that tells me when I'm not. The beating that scares me. The beating that I want to stop by my own hands.

The existance of my soul. The existance that tells me I shouldn't kill myself. The existance that tells me my real intention. The existance that scares me because I never know what it means.

They beat as one but my mind is trobbing. My mind is out of this world—space. My mind is out of reach. My mind that will hurt me for the rest of my life. The pain of my brain itself alone hurts.

My emotions are hard to find. They're somewhere out there in the universe. The real emotion is clearly shown right now. I can't show this to anyone but I am. I'm sitting next to Coran and showing it all.

The trobbing pain. The trobbing energy of tears. The trobbing of my heart. The trobbing that pushes me to cry and show emotion. The emotion that I don't ever want to show.

Please make it stop.

The time we rest is the time I sob. The time they all rest peacefully is the time I lose my mind. This is the time that my head is reelling from the thoughts.

Worthless.

Stupid.

Flirt.

Jokester.

Do one thing right.

Words are knives, they are your hands that choke me slowly, they are the blade in my hand that is slowly making me bleed out, they are that come put from your mouth. The words that you are using to slowly kill me.

Please help me.

Slowly, Very slowly, Very very slowly.

Drip, Drip, Drop.

Blood, Tears, More Blood.

Test, Test me, Test me more.

I feel my raging tears come.