It's just a Julie thing you wouldn't understand 1

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****** Julie ******

Omg I'm so happy we are finally going on vacation a week of rest with Angel. I'm just so happy cause since I found out I was sick it been so hard mom stopt going out or on vacation it's been hard not being able to just forget about all this stuff. Not that I haven't been on vacations or anything it's just it been long since it was with all of us together and for once I'm happy that Alex would be there to keep Sara out of my hair. So that I can just enjoy having everyone around. In a few months I have to start my treatment and trust me it's the most biggest step I have ever taken. At first I couldn't because we didn't have the money but all this year I have save up are finally paying off for me. And I'm also happy Angel is leaving with Mary cause I don't want her to see me in the condition I would be when I start my treatment. I just want her to have good memories of me not that I'm going to die or anything. It's just the fact that you never know what would happen till it does that is why I'm trying to make everything alright with my sister because I don't want no bad blood between us why I'm here and after I'm gone. She is my sister and I love her even though she has hurt me more that anything and I have also hurt her by sleeping with Alex's. That is one thing I shouldn't have done but I can't go back in time to change my mistakes. But I definitely know that I wouldn't be letting this happen again not just for Sara's sake but for mind to. I don't want to be the reason are problems get bigger and bigger I know I got mad a few hour ago for no reason. I know she was just trying to help me out and all but it still hurts. Everything still does the things she would say to people just to get them in her bed. And all the people she has taken away from me it hurts more than anything. I'm trying my best to forgive her but one thing is sure I can never forget what she did to me. Or what she is going to do I just hope that when she is married to Alex's she would stop stilling my boyfriend. But first I have to find someone who would love me and also love Angel too. I know it would be hard but if I don't find that person I would just have to take care of her myself. Like I have been doing all this years. And maybe I don't what a guy what if he finds out I'm sick and he dumb me because of that or when he finds out I have a kid would he tell my parents my secret or will he betrayed me. Well I'm just glad Alex is such a nice guy okay. We had sex and all but that doesn't change the fact that he kept my secret and for that I'm really grateful. Although I feel really bad for having sex with my sisters fiancé but at least he didn't leave her for me. Whatever I just need a good night sleep and then think about how fun this vacation will be . "Hey babe aren't you sleeping", she was just look at the tv in her bed. So I pick her up and laid her next to me and close my eyes it's been so long since I felt this calm.

"No no no please stop I'm begging you, don't do this to me please no no no help help you omg someone please help me. "Look sweetheart we can do this two ways the easy way and the hard way so why don't you choose". "Please I'm begging you I'm only sixteen you can't do this to me please sir I'm begging you to stop this. Please let go of please omg please sir stop this omg no no no no stooooooooop no no no this can't be happening to me this is a horrible dream please stop this omg this is just a nightmare. You think so what if I slap you would you wake up then. No no no no no stop.

"Julie are you alright omg look at me baby girl it was just a dream okay. hey Julie look at me come on". "Alex he he he..... ", "Is alright you don't have to say anything okay I know what he did to you but I'm here now okay". "Where is Angel where is my baby Alex please tell me she is alright?" " She is fine your mom toke her down stairs to try and get her back to sleep". "Thanks okay but you can go now I'm fine okay trust me I'm fine". "You don't look fine to me you are shaking like hell where are you medication I will go get them for you. Just stay put and don't move a muscle okay". "Yeah thanks once more Alex I'm really grateful for all your help thank you very much I don't even know where to start thanking you right now". "You don't have to thank me all I want is for you to calm down and get yourself back together okay. I did this to you in the first plase so don't apologies I should be the one doing that.And your mom said Angel would be spending the night with them so you could get some rest cause trust me when I say this myself that you look awful". "Thanks for the compliment". "You are welcome I think it would be a great idea if you went and toke a shower okay maybe you would feel a lot better after that". "Is that what you do when you have night mares?" "More or less something when I have them it's hard to fall back at sleep so I just read a book or take a shower and watch tv and after something I would finally fall back at sleep so yes".