June 6, 2012
Dear Diary,
It's finally over.
School is out for the next couple months and I am somehow not at ease about it. Sure I am completely excited about how there's no longer homework and longer time to spend awake and sleeping in till noon, but there is something gnawing at the back of my head wishing that I could still be free from the clutches of hell. I will miss my new friends, but not enough to want to hang out every other week. I will probably text them for another week or so then start forgetting, like how I forgot about the people at Pace.
The wonder of how my life would had been different if I had gone to Pace still haunts me. I am curious along with many others when people make their own decisions. Like choosing between strawberry or grape jam, or how their intake of life is and how they should choose to "spend" it. Question's and wonderment sometimes can tickle your insides and mess with your brain. They can get you wondering and thinking of unbelievable possibilties whether good or bad. Whether to strike out or run to first base marking your destiny and fate forever. I guess it is how you choose to change it or keep the engine running till it busts. These little things can set you apart from others.
Maturity is defiantly what defines you along with your actions. I know that I have gain lots of it. I have been choosing rational decisions as opposed to quick ones. I know that I have grown in maturity. I see things that others can't see around them or inside them. I know how some people feel, maybe only to an extent that I can relate to someone. I know that I have chosen better actions towards myself and others. When I saw people at school make fun of others or gossip and make accusations it can hurt. I've been through that situation. I've been hurt many times before with words, more than action. Heard I was a "bitch", "witch", "so fucking weird", "stupid for wearing heels when your tall as it is" and the list could go on.
I sometimes look and read back at my diary entries and relieve in that moment when I poured out my feelings to this diary. I know that when the beginning of school started I dreaded ever waking up and breathing air. Now I am wondering if I still feel that way now. Sure I hate most things in my life and dislike loads of things, and sure I still want to be something not me and change everything.
A particular quote by Aristole seems like it some what relates to me in a way: "Suffering becomes beautiful when anyone bears great calamities with cheerfulness, not through insensibility but through greatness of mind."
Am I beautiful because I can bear distress or a disaster? Or am I just as ugly as I may appear on the inside out?
Yours Truly,
Darla
(( If you want please read the sequal The REAL Diary of a Highschooler: SUMMER 2012 following The REAL Diary of a Highschooler: Sophmore Year 2012-13
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