August 24, 2011

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                                                                                                                        August 24, 2011

Dear Diary,

      Would have going to Pace been easier? Easier classes, easier to make friends, or easier in general? It may have been only 4 days at Austin High School, but it seems like 4 months.

I've been contemplating on how I feel about staying at AHS. If I stay I would either make barley any friends, or have the school wrapped around my finger. But If I go back to where my friends for years and years are, what am I supposed to tell them? I failed and gave up?

My father told me earlier today that Drew's never quit, but why do I feel like I already have?

Things at home haven't been to swell either. I feel as if my mum and I are slowly fading away. My father, I feel closer than I was before.

Dance at school is lonely. School at AHS is lonely. Lonely classes, lonely feeling, lonely self. But in dance I know two people who've I already danced with before. Sure we weren't super duper close, but we were close enough to talk to each other more. Guess their friends at school are more important.

I guess I should probably just explain all my classes. First Period: English 1. This class is alright I guess. The people sitting by me are nice enough to talk to me at least. Micheal, who went to McRay before but was in Peak and never used to talk to me at all, has small talk with me during class. It isn't much but it still gives me joy.

My second class is dance, but I went through that already.

Third Period: Ceramics. This and dance are my least favorite classes. In this class no one and I repeat no one talks to me or even talks at all. It makes me wonder why I like ceramics. Fourth Period: Physical Science. Its boring. Boring class, boring teacher, everything about it screams boring. Savannah is a girl who has two classes with me. She is nice, but seems like a bit of a snob. Maya is quiet, but not like a awkward quiet, she seems . . . nice.

Lunch is alright. I wished I had it with Faith, Shea, and Molly, but since high school just hates me, I'm not with them.

Fifth Period: Drawing/Painting. My one and only favorite class. On the first day it was quiet until Willow came and stat at our table breaking the ice. She seems crazy and fun and very outgoing. Caitlyn is a bottle full of sunshine. Taylor or something, i forget her name. I wish I remembered though. She is really nice and probably lonely too. She came her all the way from Georgia with no friends at all. Well I am her friend, and hopefully throughout this and next year since she is a junior. I wonder if she is having the same misfortune as me?

Sixth Period: Health and P.E.. Hmmm . . . better than dance and ceramics that's for sure. The only down side is that is consists of p.e. But I'd take that any day than dance. Seventh Period: Algebra 1. Weird teacher, weird class. That's just how it is. Now exceptions; its math.

Every time I come home from school I feel okay. Not great, but not good either. Just okay or fine. My parents probably wonder how I am doing, but I just don't openly throw out my feelings. It takes time and I take time to trust people only my best friend knows my deepest darkest secrets. Not all, but enough to keep us strong.

I miss her. I miss my old friends. Shoot i even miss the rednecks I didn't even care about in middle school. I miss the feeling of having lots of friends. I miss goofing off and not caring whose watching with my friends. I miss the natural friend presence and warmth. I miss my old life . . .

Love,

        Darla

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