The Thing that Differs Us...

Cutting

Addison has been less comfortable around me since I told him my age. I don't blame him. I feel bad. That he didn't know my age. God, I wish I was older. I'm in school, well, finished school for summer, and he is employed. For a job! My cuts are deep. I cut every night, even after going to Addisons. He puts me in a brighter mood but when I come back to this house the memories and hurtful thoughts come back. I try to stop myself, I tell myself that this isn't healthy and that one day, I might actually accidentally kill myself. But before I know it, my hand is already on the blade and a cut has been formed. Now, the cuts have progressed like a parasite up my arm. Some on my lower stomach and thighs. Deep cuts under my breasts and knees. They're growing larger and deeper every day. And I am terrified. I am scared of telling anyone. Addison will never know. He can't. It isn't fair to him. He might even stop talking to me. I mean, who wants a sick friend? I'm sick. I'm worthless. I don't mean a thing to the world. Nothing means to me. Apart maybe from Addison. He means quite a bit. I have to go and see him. I miss him.

I gather my things and walk out the house. I get to his apartment and we actually had a good time. I was constantly making sure that nothing showed on my wrists. But I wanted to ask him.

'Addie, can I ask you something?'

'Shoot.' he looked at me, pausing the game.

'Um,' I stared at the duvet cover that fiddled in between my fingers 'Me, telling you my age... Has that had some detrimental effect on our relationship?'

He took a deep breath 'No. It hasn't. I just hadn't realised that I was hanging out with a girl so young. I mean, it's okay. It's fine. As long as your mom is okay me hanging out with you.'

'Uh... Yeah. Sh-She's fine with it.'

'Okey. You want a sprite?' he asked

'Uh, sure.'