The Thing that Differs Us...

I Let Him

'Well,' he relieved 'Glad you're okay... How do you do it every day anyway?' He sat close to me on the couch, protectively. Don't blame him really. It's going to be really scary when the kid actually comes.

'I don't know how I do it, to be honest...' I yawned 

'You tired?' he wondered. 

I nodded a little, letting my head fall back on the pillow. My eyes fluttered shut, facing in Addison's direction. My body suddenly felt tired, like it was falling. Lower and lower never stopping.  But then, somehow climbed out of consciousness as my lips contacted with another. Next thing is, my eyes are open in shock as I see Addison's face pressed up against my lips. Once I had gotten all my thoughts in order, I decided to let my arms curl around him. I let my tongue swirl into his mouth, I let my legs wrap around his waist. I let him get on top of me and touch my waist. I had let him do anything he wanted to me. I had missed it. So much. 

His mouth was gasping heavily in my left ear. My palms glided down his bare, smooth chest and up his neck. Addie gave me butterfly kisses on my jawline and to my cheek. My fingers moved to his hair and gripped it on the top of his head. He was levitating, so he wouldn't hit my abdomen, which was annoying because it was literally huge, to say the least. Suddenly, he pulled away. 

'I can't... I...' he stuttered. 

'Addison.' I whispered. 

'I have Julia... I....' 

'Addison, please. I need you.' I pleaded. Which was true. I've needed him desperately since we broke up.

He sighed. Climbing off me and putting his shirt back on. 

'Addie, please.' I moaned. 

'What? I can't, Zariah. I can't.'

'Why? Huh? Why? What, you don't love me?' I tried to get up off the couch... kinda failed. Fucking baby. 

'Careful!' he came over and helped me up. 

'Thanks.' I muttered, looking down. 

'I do love you.' he held my arms. 

'Then why won't you-' 

'Because you are too young! The same thing! Okay? Isn't that why you broke up with me in the first place?' he exclaimed. I could see the redness on his cheeks. The purse in his lips. 

'Breaking up with you...' I was shaking, the water in my eyes started running again 'Was the biggest mistake of my life.' I whimpered. 

'"The biggest mistake"?' he quoted, lifting his hand and pushing my hair behind my ear. 

I nodded. Crying. 

'Well,' he started, holding back the tears 'Letting you break up with me was the biggest mistake of my life.' he laughed in a whisper. 

Letting his forehead land on mine, I laughed quietly with him. My hands were already stroking his smooth face. I laughed some more, then collided our lips in a more genuine way. His hands rubbed my back up and down continuously. 

That night, we shared the same bed again for the first time in months. Of course, my legs were curled around his and my arms were around his stomach. His arm was neatly tucked around my shoulder. It was nice to feel his skin again with any clothing on. Just feeling Addison. But I had to leave my top on.

'It's weird.'I started 'Sharing a bed with 20 year old you.' 

He laughed. Trickling his fingertips up and down my arm. Then, 5 minutes of silence. 

'I think I'll break up with Julia tomorrow.' he suggested. 

'Okay.' 

'Do you uh... Do you wanna find out the sex of the baby?' I heard his smile brew.

'No. Leave it to a surprise.' I smirked 

He sighed, sounding happy. 'Alright.' 

Then something came to my mind. 

'Addie whatever did happen to your parents?' 

'I've no idea. They visited in the hospital when I was unconscious.' 

'Just before you woke.' I added. 

'Yeah. But haven't heard anything else.'

'Jackasses.' I mumbled. 

'Mmhm.' 

'They said they paid for your treatment. Are they still doing that?' I asked 

'No, I'm paying now.' 

'We are.' I stroked his torso. 

'Yeah, we are.' he took a deep breath 'Speaking of parents, where is your mom?' 

Mom. Where even is she? 

'I don't... I don't know.' I said quietly. 

'Oh, Zar. Do you want to find her?' 

'No. I don't. It's been a year. I'm done with her.' I mumbled. 

'Okay.' 

Then, the usual. Pain. The wincing and flinching made my head dig into Addie's side. God, this hurt like hell. 

'You okay?' he asked

'Yeah, just...' I strained. Then, gone again. 'The baby. Phew, okay. I'm okay.' 

He sighed shakily, nuzzling his face into my temple.  

'What's wrong?' I asked. 

'I uh...' he swallowed 'I feel like I'm doing something bad to you.' 

'Is this about the baby, Addison?'  

'Yeah. I'm just saying. I feel like this is my fault. This wouldn't have happened to you if I stayed to the agreement to not have-' 

'Yeah, but we didn't. Did we? This is not just you, Addie. It's me as well.'

'Okay.' he pecked my cheek. 'Night, Zar.' 

'Goodnight.' I shut my eyes and thought about everything. 

My mother. The kid. Addie's parents. Julia. Addie's cancer. For each subject, I tried to find an answer why. Which I did. For some of them.

Number one, my mom: 

I have no idea where she went. Why she went. What did she go for? Did she hate me? Was I not tolerable? Why did she leave if she was so overprotective of me? I don't know. Too many unanswered questions. So for mom, no answer for 'why'. 

Number two, the baby: 

The kid was unintended. No more to say.

Number three, Addie's parents: 

Addie hasn't told me much about his parents. It seems he has something to hide from the past about them. So I have no idea why they were so rude and why they left him to rot in that hospital. Number three, no answer for 'why'. 

Number four, Julia.

No clue what Addison sees in her. No more to say about it. 

Number five, Addison's cancer: 

Addison's cancer is probably the thing that has affected me the most. Now, he's in stage one. Thankfully. His hair is coming back. It's thicker and less wispy. Now that he's stopped the chemo, radiation... He's better. It's just a couple pills a day now. But I'm still scared.

All these thought ran thorugh my head as they all formed a nightmare in my dreams. My first nightmare in a very long time.