The Thing that Differs Us...

Nothing.

Warning: Some writing may seem inappropriate for some readers. 

'You!' the woman in the dark green trench coat approached me in the alleyway, 'You are the one who causes my Addison to have guilt! Guilt is all he feels because of you.' 

I held my stomach 'Please, I didn't know that this would happen!' I cried 

'Well, it did! Are you happy now?' the man, Addie's father, suddenly appeared next to her. 

'I'm sorry.' 

They stared at me with piercing eyes. 

'What about me, Zariah?'  the familiar voice that filled my ears was haunting. 

'Mom?'

'You've forgotten me. Leaving the past behind you isn't going to help. Is it?' 

'Mom, you left me!' 

'Why do you think?' she squinted her eyes. 

'I.. ' I started 

'Because you are nothing.'  she raged 

'Mom, please.' 

'You are nothing.' she repeated. 

'You are, Zar.' I heard Addie say. I turned around and see Addison. Bald. Thin. Weak. Covered in blood. 'You did this to me. I swear you are the cause of my cancer. You are killing me. But how can something be nothing and cause so much harm?' 

'Addison please!' I sobbed 'Don't!' 

'Stop acting like you are always the centre of attention, Zar. Just because you are carrying a baby at 15 doesn't mean that we should bow down to you. You are worthless.' 

'Worthless.' said my mom 

'Nothing.' said Addie's parents. 

They gathered in a circle around me.

'You're a waste of space.' They all chanted

'Nothing'

'Trash' 

'You are nobody.' 

I curled up into a ball and screamed 'PLEASE, STOP!!!'

Little did I know, I was screaming as two people. 

'Zariah! Wake up!' 

My eyes opened and saw a blurry figure. I couldn't get them into focus. But I knew that figure had its hands on my shoulders. And I knew that figure's voice. 

'Zar, are okay? You okay?' He pulled me close to his chest. I didn't really move. My skin on my cheeks felt tight from the dried up tears. 

'What..' I finally said. 

'You were having a dream, baby. You're okay now. You're okay.' 

'I'm nothing.' I quoted my dream. 

'What?' 

'Mm...,' I tugged my cheek closer to him 'What was I doing?' 

'Screaming' he whispered.  

'Oh.' 

'Maybe you should have a shower.' he suggested 'Then I could make you some breakfast?' 

'Okay.' he helped me get up from the bed and I walked to the shower. 

I took off my long-sleeved top and let it fall to the bathroom floor. I pushed the door slide open, enough for me to get in. My foot stepped onto the icy cold shower tiles as my fingers switched on the water. The warm liquid fell on my head, trickling down my spine. Down my legs. But then, the door opened from the outside. I squinted my eyes, trying to look through the blurry glass. Of course, it was Addison. He was coming into the shower with me. I turned around quickly, facing the wall, hiding my wrists. My ears heard the door to the shower slide open and shut again. I felt a pair of hands gliding up my back. I turned around to him, my wrists held behind me. I stared at him, smiling. I moved the couple inches I needed to hug him. Then, I curled my hands up to his neck, so he wouldn't see. His hands held my arms, uncurling them from his neck. I couldn't stop him. He was too quick. He kissed my hands with his eyes shut. I tried to pull away not seeming obvious. His hair was dripping with drops of water, landing on his chest. I tried again to pull away, which resulted in his eyes opening. He looked at my wrists. Then glanced at me. I was speechless. I couldn't say anything. He pursed his lips, opening the shower door, slamming it shut and grabbing a towel, leaving. My chest was thumping. I wrapped the soft white towel around me. Opening the door and rushing to the living room. Addison is standing in there. Looking out the window. 

'A-A,' I stuttered 'Addison, I'm so sorry.' 

His lips were still pursed. His eyebrows looked angry.  

'Addison, p-please. Speak to me.' I pleaded. 

He still didn't say anything. 

'I'm sorry. I had to, okay? I did it before we were together.' 

'That changes everything then.' he scowled 

I sighed. 

'You know you're pregnant right? Right?' 

'No shit.' I muttered

'Why the fuck are you doing this to me?!' he barked. His teeth were gritted. 

I remained silent. 

'You are killing me, you know that?! With what you do! I'm sick of it! I thought you stopped! I thought you grew up! But you didn't. You're still the same fucked up person who cuts herself.' 

The sick sensation came to me. I know. No one wants to be with a fucked up person.

'I'm done. I'm done with you. I can't take it. I can't. Fuck you, Zar. Okay? Fuck you!' He spat. He stormed to his bedroom. 

I didn't move. I didn't speak. I don't even think I breathed. 

Addison marched back in, fully clothed. 'You can fucking pack your stuff and get the fuck out of here. You promised me you wouldn't do it again and you did. You fucking did it again. You are absolutely nothing to me. YOU ARE NOTHING!!!' he screamed.

With that, the door slammed and he was gone. My legs wobbled, struggling to keep my body weight in balance. I walked lifelessly to the kitchen and grabbed something from the drawer. My feet stumbled into the second bathroom which held a bath. I turned on the taps and let them run. I put down the blade on the side. My hands unwrapped the towel around me and put on the tee shirt that was left on the floor from earlier. My legs slid into Addison's tracksuits. They were soft and velvet-like. I climbed carefully into the bath and sat there until the water filled it. My bones in my legs felt weak and tired. I studied the water as it filled the tub. My body reached to the other end of the bath to turn off the taps. Then, I remained in the tub for a few minutes. Breathed in and out, stroking my stomach. The water was swashing about as I breathed. I thought about everything and everyone. I swallowed and picked up the knife and pointed the end at my wrist. I made the first move and pushed the steel into the skin. Dragging the blade upwards. Ripping my pores apart. Stretching it in an unimaginable way. Thick blood spurted out everywhere. I whined in pain as I continued up my skin. The back of my head banged on the bath. My blood was like a dark river of thick tomato sauce. It mixed with the bath water and turned it into a light red. I shakily turned to the other wrist and did the same. It stung. It felt like fire burned the insides of my arms. Through my indigo veins. My hands levitated into the water and I let them bleed into the bath. I shut my eyes and kept on breathing. Everything will be over soon. Everything will we better. And soon, within a couple of minutes, I never saw the light of day again.