The Thing that Differs Us...

Forgiven for Doing Nothing Wrong

'You're not mad at me are you?' I asked quietly

'No. Of course not.' He whispered

We still lay together, we hadn't moved. His arms did not unravel from around my limp, scarred figure.

There was a small silence that took place in his room.

'Why do you do it, Zar?' he asked

'I don't know why I do it... I guess it's because my life isn't how I want it. I do judge myself every day. Telling myself I'm not good enough. That I'm fat,' I felt Addie's arm tighten around me 'And that gives me the urge to put the blade to my skin.' I took a deep breath.

'Have you done it when we met?' He asked, hearing the pain in his voice.

'I have cut myself after I met you. I've cut myself after we decided to date. But to be honest, the cuttings have been less deep and fewer since I got to know you. You gave me hope that I'll be happy someday. Now, I do it out of addiction and self-punishment,' I stroked Addison's hand from his index finger to his forefinger 'When my mom left, that's when shit got bad. Because what went through my mind was: "Even my mom can't stand me." I don't know why she left but I did overhear her talking about someone picking me up the next day whether I liked it or not. That's the day when we played basketball together. I didn't go home after school. I walked and I walked. Until I found myself at the basketball gym with you.'

'Oh, Zariah I'm so sorry.' he mumbled

'It's ok. It's fine.'

'You live alone?'

'Yeah. That's why I tried to prevent you from coming to my house. I was scared that when you found out that I was living by myself you'd call the police or something for me to go to a home. Let's face it, I'm not old enough to live by myself but I have been for the past 5 weeks. I'm scared. Bills have come in and I can't pay them. I don't know how to get the money because I don't have my mothers credit card or anything. She left me with nothing.'

'Zar, move in with me.'

The room got quiet for 10 seconds.

'Addie, I couldn't.'

'Move in. C'mon, you're not living by yourself in a house. I'll... I'll look after you.'

'I don't need looking after, I'm not a kid.'

'Well, you are.' he muttered

'Don't treat me like one. It'll make our relationship awkward.'

He chuckled, stroking my arm. His hand then trickled down to my wrist. He picked it up and studied my scars.

'God, you really went for it. Didn't it hurt?'

'Like hell.'

'I don't understand how people could just cut themselves.'

'It's like a relief and freedom for me.' I sighed

'Just... How.'

'I know it sounds bizarre but millions of people do it.' I reassured him

'God... But anyway.. You're moving in with me tonight. You can take the bed and I'll take the air mattress.'

'Addison?' I said

'Hm?'

'Are we going out? As in, dating?'

'Yeah.' he sounded concerned.

'You love me?'

'Of course, Zar.'

'Good, I love you too. You've seen me without a top on right?' I looked up at him from below his neck.

'Well, I guess I have now. But expect the.. bra yeah.'

'Yes, you have. So I guess this means we are at the perfect stage to both sleep in a bed together.' I smirked

He sighed 'If you're comfortable with it'

'Of course' I rolled over onto my front and stared at him. He's so beautiful.

I sighed, holding my head in my hand.

'Well,' he started, clearing his throat and getting up 'We better start moving you in.'

'Okay.'

He went to head out of the room but I called out his name.

'Yeah?' He turned around

'Thank you for taking this,' I held my wrists up 'So well... Again, I am so sorry you had to find out like that. I should've told you. It was a selfish thing to do. I'm sorry.' I held my hands and fidgeted with my fingers.

He walked towards me and leaned his head down to mine. He leaned forward and kissed me. The perfect kiss.

'Just promise me to not do it again. Ever.' He gave me another peck and left the room.

The perfect boy.