The Thing that Differs Us...

You're an asshole

'Addison...' I burst into tears, leaning close to his neck. 

'Hey...' He whispered, stroking my hair with his hand along with the tube that connected to its vein. 

'You asshole.' I sniffed. I kept my face hidden into his neck. I couldn't let him see me. 

'Wh-' I cut him off immediately.

'You asshole. You didn't wake up. And you... You didn't tell me. You didn't fucking tell me. Why.' I sobbed as quietly as possible. 

I heard him sigh. I kept on stroking his collarbone gently. I was mad at him. But I couldn't stop hugging him.

'I'm sorry.' he mumbled. 

I kissed him. Over and over again. 'You're an asshole.' I said in between the kiss. 

He used his fingertips to push my hair back, behind my ear. 

'I'm back, don't worry. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. It's only a little medication and it'll be gone. I'm staying right with you the whole way.' 

I stopped, pulled away and sat normally on the side of his bed. He doesn't know. 

'Addie..' 

'What's wrong, Zar?' he mused.

'I'll go get the nurse.' I said, deep in thought. My body slowly picked itself up and stumbled slightly to reception. 

After 5 minutes, I found the nurse who told me about Addison's cancer. About the spread. I told her to tell him. So she went into his room and shut the door. I waited outside. Listening in. The walls were thin, so I could hear every word. 2 minutes later, she came out with a pitiful face and gestured for me to go inside by tilting her head. I went in. Closed the door and stared at the person who lay in that prison. His face was... emotionless. His eyes were sad. I sat down on the side of his bed and held his hand as we cried in sorrow for hours. Hearing his sobbing was something unimaginable. I've never heard him like that before.

A Few Hours Later: 

'How long had I been out for?' his voice had changed ever since he was told. 

'6 weeks.' I whispered. I was lying with him in his hospital bed. I didn't care if it was against hospital policy.

'Shit.' 

'Yeah.' I nuzzled into his neck. 

There was a silence. 

'I...,' he started 'I don't want to die.' 

'Shh. Please, don't say that. You're going to be fine.' 

'I have lymphoma in my stomach and lung. Zar. Plus I've been shot. I don't think I will be okay.'

'Addison...' More tears. God, please, help me.

'Baby, I'm so sorry. This isn't what you deserve.' he leaned his head on my forehead.

'You...' I sniffed 'You know how nice it is...,' I took a breath 'To hear your voice?' 

His arms tightened around me. 

'They're gonna give me chemo... Aren't they?' he said gently. 

'Yeah.' 

'I'm going to lose my hair, aren't I?' he added

I nodded. 

'I'm sorry I didn't tell you. You were so happy that you finally met someone that made you happy. You told me every day how joyful you were to be around me. And I didn't tell you something that could kill me. Well... will.' 

'Addison, it's-' 

'From now on, I'll tell you all my secrets. No hiding. Regardless the circumstances. I can't hurt you like that anymore.' 

'Addi-'

'Understood? Both of us. We'll go by this rule in our relationship.' he mumbled

I sighed, I still haven't told him one thing. I just can't. Right now is the worst time. Ever. 

'Understood.' 

He gave me a wet kiss on my cheek and settled down closer to me. 

Addie...