I went to my room and took a shower, while listening to music. I hadn't spoken to Alex since the store and how could I? I let him see me at my weakest. I broke infront of him. Thankfully Alex didn't rub anything in my face. He actually seemed pretty sympathetic.
Maybe he's starting to- NO. No snap out of it Jess, he's playing you.
He was using my weakness against me. I stepped out from under the hot water jets and wrapped myself in a towel I looked in my mirror.
But he didn't kill me. He could've killed me but he didn't.
Obviosuly he had shown no remorse or value for human life when we were at the resteraunt, but he hadn't killed me in the bathrooms. I shook my head and continued to get dressed. After about two hours of using music to calm me down and pissing time away on my laptop, I faced the realization that I'd have to face him eventually. I turned off my speakers and stepped down the stairs quietly and stepped into the living room to see him watching t.v. Once he senced my arrival, he turned around to face me, concern evedent on his face.
"Are you okay?" he asked. I nodded and sat next to him, not that I chose to, the couch was all we had. "What happened?"
I debated wether I should tell him or not. I needed to open up more if I had a shot at winning, so I decided to tell him the truth....Well most of it anyway.
"I saw my ex." I mumbled, looking at my hands "I didn't end well."
"What happened?" He asked. I hesitated. I deffinatly didn't want to tell him everything. Not just because he can and will use it against me, but also because that time in my life was so terrifying and sad that I couldn't bear to relive it.
"You don't have t-"
"It's okay." I interrupted. "He cheated multiple times." I said, looking up at him. His eyes held such sincarety, such sadness that I almost let my guard down. I nearly trusted him.
"I'm sorry." He whispered. I nodded in responce. After a few moments, his eyes flicked down to my lips. He licked his and started to lean forward. I tell you, my heart started beating faster than a machine gun. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to so bad, but I knew if I did, I'd be his. I would fall instantly. I looked the other way twords the t.v. I heard him sigh next to me and get up and leave.
You wanted to kiss him you idiot. You still do. Stop it. You know he's playing you. He's taking advaantage of your vunrability. Stop falling for him.
I stayed in the living room until he went to bed. After he retired, I did to. I slipped under my sheets sadly.
Damn it, he's winnng.
The next few days I hadn't really been myself. I knew it was obvious too, even Alex had been being nice to me. I hated myself for being this weak, but seeing him had really shaken me. I thought I'd be safe here, I thought I had escaped, I thought I could finally be free. But he was sending me a very clear message. I will never be safe. I walked into the kitchen to see the sink filled with dirty dishes. I had conviced myself to eat something but after washing the dishes, I didn't have the will power to force anything down my throat. So I just walked upstairs to spend the next six hours on my macbook pro. It had grown late. Very late. I had been srolling down tumblr until.
"Don't waste you time on me you're already the voice inside my head."
I stopped everything and listened.
"Don't waste you time on me you're already the voice inside my head.
I miss you, miss you." I snuck out of my bed and creeped into the hall I could hear it coming from Alex's room. I tiptoed over to his door and sat on the floor, leaning against the wall, listening to him sing the song by Blink.
"Where are you? And I'm so sorry.
I can not sleep, I can not dream tonight.
I need somebody and always. This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping in so haunting every time."
Then the heavenly voice stopped. I waited a bit longer, longing to hear him sing more but there was nothing but scilence. I inwardly sighed and tip toed back to my room.
What is he doing to me?
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Title cred: Six Feet Under The Stars by All Time Low
