Scars, Suicide and Australians

I'm Not Okay

DISCLAIMER: SONG IS IM NOT OKAY I PROMISE BY MCR

*Two weeks later*

Ana's POV

"Fuck this, fuck life, fuck you. I'm done. I'm done with all this shit you're giving me. You prefer Emily? Well okay, you have fun with that. You continue your wonderful life with Emily and Luke, I'm moving back home. Its either you or I on this tour, and I know Luke will blow a fuse if I kick you off. Have a fucking wonderful day." I burst out.

Time had past since we'd bumped into Emily, and I could tell Becky preferred her. She hangs with her all the time, she doesn't speak to me, sometimes she'll go a whole day without looking at me. I had finally got in to a room with just Becky and I.

I'm falling apart inside and my so called 'best friend' doesn't even notice - let alone care.

"Bye." she said, completely deadpan.

That was all it took. One word to ruin everything. Just one little word, to break me inside and ruin seven years of friendship.

I checked my watch, and I had thirty minutes until I was scheduled to go on stage.

I walked away from her, towards the bus and headed straight for the bathroom. Once inside I grabbed a blade, cut my hips and thighs a few times and cleaned them up.

Then I walked over to my dressing room, applied thick black eyeliner, black mascara and red lipstick.

I walked over to the wardrobe and pulled out black skinny jeans, a singlet that says "Destroy yourself and see who gives a fuck" and black combats.

Blasting King For A Day by Pierce The Veil and Kellin, I pulled them on quickly. I then grabbed two water bottles and drank them both quickly.

"TWO MINUTES" I heard Dan yell.

I sprinted to the wings and quickly stretched out and warmed up.

"I want you to create the biggest fucking mosh pit you've seen in you're fucking life."

The crowd magically formed into a mosh out shape, ready to jump when the song started.

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.

I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way.

For all the dirty looks, the photographs your boyfriend took,

Remember when you broke your foot from jumping out the second floor?

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

You wear me out

What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems?

(I'm not okay)

I've told you time and time again you sing the words but don't know what it means

(I'm not okay)

To be a joke and look, another line without a hook

I held you close as we both shook for the last time take a good hard look!

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

You wear me out

Forget about the dirty looks

The photographs your boyfriend took

You said you read me like a book, but the pages all are torn and frayed

I'm okay

I'm okay!

I'm okay, now

(I'm okay, now)

But you really need to listen to me

Because I'm telling you the truth

I mean this, I'm okay!

(Trust Me)

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

Well, I'm not okay

I'm not o-fucking-kay

I'm not okay

I'm not okay

(Okay)

"Thank you for having me, and I love every single last one of you - never forget that."