Feelings

I trusted you

Me so venerable and broken already the dealing with troubles with dad, I needed someone, so I looked to the first person who showed me any love, my brother. Pain surrounding me, my brother was the only person who would talk to me and show my any love.

I, as his younger sister trusted him with every bone in my body, he built up trust until finally I trusted him to the point where he was able to hurt me. Never did I think he would hurt me, he made me believe every word he spoke.

He made me feel beautiful and loved, my heart was slowly starting to repair. He would remind me of my beauty and tell me I could do anything.  As time went by, I saw a change in his behaviour, he no longer complimented me instead he called me these horrible names that still repeat in my brain constantly.

Like all victims, I had no idea how someone could change so suddenly, he gave me everything I wanted, I no longer felt alone. I was blinded by his rewards and fake love. I never knew the love’ he showed me could one day be classified as abuse.

I was so scared, it was like he had on a mask, it only showed the mean and cruel parts of him to me, while everyone else saw a teenager so funny and loving, never did anyone think it would one day be said he was a monster who broke me.

No one will understand this pain, the hurt and how broken I feel. How can people possible understand the feeling of being tricked and abused by someone you thoughts you loved and cared for.

Yes I feel so ashamed and guilty, I blame myself. I was the one who trusted him; turned to him it was my fault.

For many, this crime has affected you is way which are indescribable.  Yes it brings you down, yes you feel so lost and ashamed. BUT ONE DAY THIS PAIN WILL ESCAPE YOU AND WILL BE REPLACED WITH HAPPNESS.

But hopefully even though I feel like this crime was my fault, you guys understand it wasn’t. You fell in love, you trusted; this person was once your world, you lived for them never did you think they would break you.

I was blinded my your mask,

You showed me love,

Why did I believe you?

You have killed me,

So weak,

Forever will be broken,

You made me lose the person I really was.

No longer did I believe your worlds,

I want living,

I was fighting,

I cried,

Screamed,

Out in pain,

But no one heard my tears,

I was no one,

Just you target,

You victim,

You killed me,

Nope I’m forever gone.

Yes here,

But am I really here,

I’ve stoped living,

Enjoying life.

I surrender to you,

Take me pain,

Take this fight.

Why was I your victim?

I never knew you could be so cruel,

You killed a 14 year old.

BROKEN AND BUISED.

My one brother now called monster has destroyed me….

You will never be forgotten, your lies and actions with forever stay held in