Misfit Love

Shattered

The loud ringing of my alarm filled my ears. I wanted to throw it against the wall and go back to sleep, but I needed to get up. Things had to be done today, it was going to be busy.

"Ugh. Fuck me." I groaned sitting up, and slamming my hand on the snooze button. It wasn't even light outside yet, but I had to get an early start. I kissed Xander's head and crawled out of bed. He could sleep through a storm. Lucky.

I headed down stairs, scratching my stomach. Must be a rash coming up. Oh well, I'll deal with that later.

I walked into the kitchen and fixed a bowl of cereal. I was starving. I felt something fuzzy against my legs, I looked down to see Floral and Lilac staring at me.

"Are you guys hungry?"

I set my bowl down and fed them. They both ate side by side. I was happy they actually got along. If only my hamster would get along with them. I laughed to myself and sat down at the table. I wasn't ready to start my day, but oh well.

I took a long cold shower and got dressed. I wore a loose, coral tank top with black shorts, and a pair of converse. I didn't bother doing anything with my hair, I just brushed it. It had wavy curls when it dried, which I didn't mind.

I grabbed my keys, purse, wallet, and phone and headed out the door. I left a note and breakfast for Xander so he'd be set when he woke up.

I was only gone for a few hours. I bought myself a few bathing suits and Xander some as well. I bought some sunglasses for the both of us, and other necessities for our trip. I had my cousin taking care of my pets while we were gone, also watching the house too. We were ready to go as soon as Xander got his lazy butt up. The plan was to meet everybody at the hotel and we'd go from there.

I finally made it home at about 9. I figured Xander would still be asleep; He was.

"Wake up, sleepy head." I whispered, shaking him gently. The only response I got was a soft grunt. I decided to just lay down with him and take a quick nap. Before I could lie down properly, he embraced me in his strong arms. I could feel the warmth of his breath on my neck. It sent chills shooting through my body. Even after all this time, he still gives me chills when he touches me. Amazing.

I woke up not long after, and I was turned facing him. He was still sound asleep. He was smiling in his sleep. As I watched him, I eyed his gorgeous face. His messy brown hair, his perfectly straight nose, his perfect jaw line, the scruffy facial hair on his chin, moving up the side of his face.

I was insanely in love with this man. He seemed so perfect to me. Lost in thought, I was broken free by his eyes flickering open. I saw his deep blue eyes, and my heart started to melt.

He flashed me a sweet smile and closed his eyes again.

"Waking up next to you will never get old. Good morning, beautiful." I felt the blood rush to my face. I was blushing.

"Good morning, perfection."

"Roxy, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my entire life. I'd have to say that I am the luckiest gentleman to be able to say 'She's mine.' I swear every single day, I wake up and thank God you're my fiance. You're everything I've ever wanted and needed, plus so so much more. If there was a true amount of words I could use to prove my love to you, I'd write them down and give them to you to hold on to forever. No matter what happens, I'll always love you. You're my entire universe."

Tears began to fill at the edge of my eyes.

"Oh, Xander!" I sit up to wrap my cold, quivering arms around him. He does the same, planting soft, passionate kisses amongst my neck, trailing down to my chest, moving lower to my naval, my hips..

This went from utterly romantic, to hot and heated. I want him, I want to feel his body against mine, our hearts beating together, at the same rapid pace. I shrug him off gently.

"I love you, Xander." I whisper, looking into his pale eyes. He holds me tight against his warm body. I feel my body temperature rising.

How does he do this to me? We laid back in the bed, I drifted off into a deep sleep, once again.

There i stand, alone in my bathroom, sobbing. Everything around me is quiet, dull. I let a horrific scream slip from between my red, cut lips. I throw everything i can find, breaking the mirror, that relflected a dead woman before me; broken, numb. I roll up my sleeves, exposing the painful scars that haunt me. I pick up the blade I knew, too well, sliding It across my veins, opening them. I watch the skin puff slowly, blood began to trickle down my arm. My lips curve into a devilish grin. I found my release, my therapy is this. I lift my head slowly to look at the shattered mirror, it somehow sets me at ease. Knowing something can be as broken as I. Closing my eyes, I slide the razor across my arm once..twice.. three times.. four... I don't stop until my entire arm is nothing but horrifying cuts, blood falling onto the floor. This is it. It's my time.. I feel myself blacking out, into an unconscious state. The door is locked, nobody can save me from myself. I see nothing but black.. I'm gone.

"Roxy! Baby! Wake up!" My body is being shaken by Xander, the man I love. My body jolts upward, I'm soaked in sweat, tears. I'm crying. Xander scoops me up into his arms and pulls me onto the floor with him. He grabs my face, forcing me to look at him. No.. please.. I attempt to push him away, failing. His hold on me is too strong for me, especially now. I feel so weak.

I finally focus and stare at Xander. His eyes are filled with tears, his heart racing. He holds my face between his soft hands. I can't hold back my violent sobs.

"I'm here, baby. I'm here.."

"Xander I am so sorry.. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through." Tears continue to fall from both sets of eyes. He strokes my damp hair, not letting me go. I feel safe; secure. My head is spinning, I feel nauseous, dizzy, anxious, tired, all at the same time. It overwhelming. I lean forward forcefully, letting the bile in my throat make it's way out. Just missing Xander by an inch. I wrap my arms around my cold body, shaking. That was more than a dream. It's my past, taunting me, from so many months ago, edging me back to who I was. It's taking over my entire body, my state of mind. I can't let that happen. No! I'll lose Xander. That can't happen. I can't lose him over my past. He's finally fixed me. He's made me the person I'm meant to be. Not the walking corpse I was. I will fight this.

It won't win.