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• Chapter 10 •

I've been feeling a bit depressed lately, so I've decided to write this angsty chapter, so a WARNING: There will involve some self harm and hate, do not read if you are sensitive. I hope this will give you more incite on your character overall and that this chapter will help me continue writing for all of you lovely readers out there who I appreciate to the highest extent.
Enjoy~
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M/N P.O.V
I finally got some time at home, alone time never hurt anyone...

I walked over to my desk, and put a piece of paper down before leaning back in my chair and looking up at the ceiling.

"I love them all, and I know they love me, but I don't want to hurt them...their reputation...no one even knows about them and I. My past keeps coming back up...do I need to tell them? I never want anything bad to happen to them, but they don't know."

It's mostly...my fault.

That they don't know...

They don't know that I used to cut, that I was bullied for being different, or that my mom passed as soon as I turned 16.

I looked down at what I wrote on the paper, and felt my heart ache as the tears spilled out, leaving fresh droplets on my page.

I got up and grabbed the small key that lay atop my medicine cabinet in the bathroom and walked back and sat at my desk again.

I unlocked the first drawer on the left and slid it open, slowly.

I choked on my tears, letting out a struggled laugh, "I haven't seen you in 3 years..."

I pulled out the blade, and looked down at my wrists.

"The scars really did disappear over the years..." I said to myself as I began to hold the blade against my soft skin.

"It's so easy..."

"Time heals all wounds..."

"Everything will be okay..."

"Hang in there..."

"You're doing great..."

"You're so strong...brave..."

For every statement I said, I slid the blade across my wrist, wincing at the pain before letting out a shaky breath...

And then sliding it across again...

I looked at my wrists and got mad at myself.

"How could I do such a thing..? You're such a disgusting person...you don't deserve them, or anyone for that matter, you should just die alone you stupid faggot." I sobbed to myself, unconsciously squeezing the blade and then throwing it across the room.

I made plenty of cuts...

But not enough that it would kill me, apart of me wanted to make more, but more of me wanted to stay.

To stay with them, but I didn't deserve to have them in my life.

I didn't bother to clean my wounds, I wrapped them in bandage before walking out of my apartment and slamming the door.

I put on a big hoodie, so no one knew how disgusting I was. Cutting myself like that.

I can't tell them about this, I can't worry them like that...

"I'm so fucking stupid."

I walked...

And walked...

I walked until I felt like passing out, I looked at the time and saw it was 2:56 a.m.

"Shit..." I cursed at myself before making my way back home.