Just My Cup of Tea

twenty nine

Everything froze.

My jaw dropped. 

My face fell. 

And then, my heart was racing a thousand miles per hour yet I could feel the blood being drained from my face. My palms began to get sweaty and my throat thickened. I could feel my bottom lip tremble helplessly like some kind of broken wind up toy and when the realization began to sink in, heat flooded to my face, turning my cheeks scarlet. I couldn't breathe.

I raised my chin slightly and gripped the bag that was sitting beside me. Eric's eyes snapped to what I was clutching and he panicked.

'No Millana, please. Please stay. I'm so sorry for everything I did. I was wrong. God, I was so wrong. You have no idea how much I missed you. How much I needed you. Being away from you killed me, Lanna, it killed me! Please don't leave me, please Millana, I need you.' his voice broke and so did my heart.

I rose from my seat and so did he. His tears were evident now and I turned away, knowing very well that if he dared cry in front of me right now, I'd burst into tears too. I felt suffocated and sick and dizzy and for a second I forgot how to breathe. I just needed to get out of there.

He moved forward and grabbed hold of my hand, gently tugging me back to him. I kept my eyes on the floor. I couldn't look at him. I couldn't.

'Please let go of my hand Eric, I have to go.' I said in the softest voice I could muster. I could practically feel the panic radiating from him.

'Millana please-'

'I said let go of me. I have to go. I'm sorry.' He froze.

'Please...at least look at me before you leave.' he pleaded, the thickness of his voice from the tears being obvious now. I swallowed carefully, feeling my vision blur.

'I can't. I...I can't.' And then I snatched my hand away from him and ran out of the coffee shop faster than I had ever before.

I cried harder in my car than I had cried in a long time. 

It was as if all the pain, all the hurt, all the missing had returned and slapped me right across the face, leaving me breathless and gasping for air. I felt suffocated and sick and tired and I just wanted to give into the weight on my heart and let myself bawl. 

It took every single segment of my being to wipe away those tears and drive home. I didn't dare let myself think when I pulled up into Alexander's driveway. It began to rain shortly after I had left the coffee shop and by the time I made it to the front door, the sky shook with the fury of a thousand heavens and rain poured down in buckets.

I loved the rain.

I wanted nothing more than to just sit in the rain and cry out my heart and soul. And it was exactly what I had intended to do when I began to make my way across the hall to get out of these atrocious heels and put my purse down until his voice stopped me.

'Millana.' I froze on my spot and turned around slowly. 

He was standing in beside the counter inside the kitchen with the lights turned off and the sound of the rain pattering in the background. Yet our eyes still met from across the space and for the first time in 2 weeks, I let out a sigh of relief when my gaze collided with the gaze of the green-eyed man.

'We need to talk.'

His voice was velvety and raspy as if he hadn't slept in a long, long time and was drained completely. He slowly made his way towards me, taking slow and deliberate steps. I was frozen in the doorway of the kitchen, my heart thumping loudly in my chest. I was tired and hurt and confused and I was already feeling absolutely gutted from Eric's confession earlier, leaving me in no mood to deal with Alexander's stupid face and stupid attitude.