Just My Cup of Tea

thirty one

I stood at the front porch, my duffel bag clutched tightly, slung over my right shoulder as I blinked up at the enormous mansion in front of me. It was as spotless as ever, the windows polished down to the very last and edge and rim. Nothing had changed since the week I had gone and the flowers were as fresh and bright as they had been on the day I had walked out. Well, they were certainly brighter but that probably had something to do with the storm that was raging through the skies on the day that I did leave. 

I stood at the front porch for a moment and wondered whether Alexander's feelings reflected his house. Unchanged. It surprised me to say the least when he didn't even call and to put it bluntly, it stung. Hell, it was more like a punch rather than a sting and I felt it right in my gut. I wondered if he had missed me at all. Or was he too preoccupied with work like always. And then I wondered whether he had seen Sienna. I swallowed carefully when the memory of his words came into my mind.

'I love her.'

I scoffed slightly to myself. Of course he loved her. The way he looked at her when she interrupted their "moment" at the ball? The way his eyes traced her features when he held her during the dance? It would be stupid to think it was anything but love. But that wasn't even the worst part. The worst part was the way they looked beside each other. Like they were made for each other. Her blonde curls looked like they were made to pressed against his shoulders and his arms looked like they were made to hold her the way they had on that night of the ball. And that hurt. 

No. No, you promised Arty you would come here today. If it all fails and crashes and goes to complete ruin you can blame him. 

But a small part of me knew that I wasn't coming entirely because of Arty. His green gaze had been haunting my slumber again and not only was he living a nightmare, every dream was a nightmare. 

I sighed to myself and closed my eyes for a brief second. I had probably been standing on this porch for a good 20 minutes and if a gardener had been watching from a distance somewhere, he's probably be convinced by now that I was definitely some kind of bot sent by some Russian spies and I was glitching. 

It's just Alexander! Don't worry! Just silly old Alexander. 

But then again it was just silly old Alexander. 

Before I could dwell on the difference between those two, I cleared my throat and closed the distance between the doorbell and my finger. I could hear the faint buzz from outside and made a lasting effort to make sure my feet stayed where they were and I didn't sprint back into my car. I focused on my breathing and told myself that if it were Alexander answering the door, it would just make the awkwardness get by quicker. Besides, what did I have to be scared of anyway? I was his wife. And his friend if not anything more. 

It took a few moments before the door opened. 

It wasn't Alexander. 

'Lanna!' Lin's arms were around me in an instant and I found myself exhaling in relief, releasing a breath I wasn't aware I was holding. Only when her warmth and sweet apple and home-like scent surrounded me did I realize how attached I had grown to this woman over the course of my stay and how staying away from Alexander made my relationship with her fester too. Suddenly I felt guilty. I mean I was mad at Alexander, not her, there was no reason I couldn't have called. And Lin seemed to agree.

'How could you just storm out like that out of the blue? Not a call? Not even a text! Do you know how worried I was?' she pointed her finger at me, one hand on her hip and suddenly I felt choked up on emotion. I didn't have any idea what having a motherly figure in my life was like and since my own mother would have probably said something identical to 'Where have you been lately? Oh doesn't matter, go get dressed we have a photo shoot and the car is leaving in 15 minutes' if I had ever vanished for a week.