"Yeah, I feel the same as you do
Same stress, same shit to go through" - Louis Tomlinson
Alyssa's POV
My parents were more than mad. They were furious. They didn't show when they arrived at the police station. They just took me home, saying that the police was done searching the house. They didn't find any more than two more grams of weed in my room. Ben must have been clever enough to place it there and get rid of the rest - if there was a rest.
Since it was just for my personal consume, I wasn't in as much trouble as I had expected. I didn't face any charges because I was a minor, they said. But I believe it was my parents' money that convinced the police.
My parents didn't say anything on our way home in the car. They also didn't say anything when we arrived at home. I just went to my room quietly and closed the door behind me.
When I went to the record studio the next morning to free my mind, the door was locked and I knew that it was going to stay locked. This was my penalty for causing my parents so much trouble.
I didn't even feel sad, I just felt numb. So I went upstairs again to play some guitar but the guitar was also gone. Mum and dad had taken my music away from me.
I wasn't allowed to go to school for two more days but I wished it was a week. I knew how people would look at me when they saw me walking down the hallway. I knew how they'd start to whisper and talk when I walked past them and I was sick of it.
Someone knocked at the door to my room. I knew it wasn't my mum and dad for sure. They were both at work and still not talking to me. It was Benson.
He opened the door and slowly walked into my room, sitting down on the bed. I could literally see the guilt written on his face.
"You okay?" He asked me, his voice hoarse. I shook my head.
"They took my music away from me. No studio, no instruments." I said and now that I said the words out loud I felt like breaking out in tears. The only thing that made me feel a little bit better was the thought that I had done the right thing. To protect my brother.
"I am so so so sorry, Alyssa, really. And I can't thank you enough for covering up for me. I'll always be in your debt. Thank you so much. If they had found out that it was mine..." He didn't finish.
"It's okay. I didn't have anything to lose unlike you - well that's what I thought but apparently they found a way to take away the only thing that keeps me alive." I had two things that made me get up in the morning; George and music, and both were gone. "But seriously Benson? Drugs?"
"I'm not as perfect as you think. I have problems too." Benson said. "You might think that. I know that you believe that I'm the good child of us but I have problems too even though they look absolutely nothing like yours do."
"What problems? Ben you can always talk to me, you know that." I sat down crosslegged beside him on my bed, facing him.
"They feel so insignificant compared to yours."
"This isn't a contest about who has the biggest problems." I told him and he sighed.
"I know, it's just... so complicated."
"Just try to explain."
"You know how dad is. He's always expecting us to be perfect. To be the best at school, the best at extracurriculars, the best at everything. He expects me to become a lawyer and become as successful as he is even though that's not what I want to do. And besides managing to get straight A's, he expects me to always attend every business dinner with him. You know, sometimes it all gets just a little too much and the weed helps me to escape it all for a couple of hours."
I took a deep breath. I had been so focused on my own problems and reputation that I hadn't even noticed that Ben was struggling just as much as me.
"What do you want to do instead?" I asked, my voice shaky.
"I want to become a teacher. Is that so bad Aly? Why won't dad let me?" Ben turned his face towards me and I could tell that he was nearly crying. I had never seen Benson cry. At least I couldn't remember.
"Have you tried to tell him?"
"I'm too scared." Ben said.
Then there was a comfortable silence between us.
"Sometimes I wish I could be more like you." Ben said and I looked up at him confused.
"Why would you think that?"
"Because you just pursue your dreams. You said you want to be a musician and that's what you do, without caring about what mum and dad say. I wish I could be more like you in that way. A bit more careless."
"You think I'm careless?"
"At least you don't care so much about their opinion." Ben explained. "You don't care much about anybody's opinion. You seem to be so unbreakable."
"Events that happened in the past made me this way. Believe me, you don't want to lead such a life because it's a lonely life." I said, avoiding his eyes. I hadn't told Ben and I didn't intend to do so. I didn't want to change the way he saw me.
"We're both such messes, aren't we?" Ben smiled and nudged me with his elbow. I tried to smile but failed miserably. Ben didn't notice though.
I guess it would have been a good moment to tell Ben what had happened to me but I just couldn't. The words wouldn't escape my mouth.
"We'll fix this." I told him. "It's only seven months until we graduate and then we can do whatever the hell we want."
"You can. I can't. I have to study to become a lawyer." Ben leaned back and covered his face with his arms.
"Yeah you could make mum and dad proud and become a lawyer but regret it your entire life or you could chase your dreams, become a teacher and be happy. Your choice." I shrugged my shoulders.
"If it only was that easy." He sighed.
"It is. Just do it and don't think about the consequences." I encouraged him. "Sometimes you have to be selfish."
The doorbell rang.
"I'll go get it." Ben said, stood up and headed downstairs.
I waited a couple of seconds and harkened to hear who it was. I heard another male voice that I didn't recognise immediately.
"Alyssa?" Ben yelled from downstairs. "There is a guy who wants to talk to you."
Confused I got up and headed downstairs as well. When I arrived at the door, I saw Reece standing in the door frame. I lifted an eyebrow.
"Hey Reece." I smiled at him and he waved hello. I wondered why he didn't say anything or came in and just awkwardly stood there but then I noticed that Ben was still at the door.
"He's a friend of George." I told Ben and he nodded. "I got this."
Ben smiled and went into the living room, probably to watch TV but mostly because he wanted to give me and Reece some privacy.
"Did something happen to George? Is he okay?" I asked. I couldn't think of another reason why Reece would show up at my doorstep like that.
"No he's not." He said. "Can I come in?"
My heart dropped into my boots. "Sure."
I stepped aside to let Reece in.
"We have to talk." He said seriously.
