Taemin in real life.

Part 45

A week later we were getting ready to go to Japan for the first show of our tour. Jen and Sarah were going to come out with us, see the first show in Fukuoka then fly out to Tokyo together before heading back to Seoul. We had two shows in Fukuoka and then a week later in Fukui. We were going to be staying the first two weeks of February in Japan as it just wasn't worth going back to Seoul but then we would be going back as our next show wasn't until mid-March and in between I needed to shoot my own music video.

I was a bit pissed as our last show in Kobe was on Valentine's day. I don't know if it was because it was my first Valentine's day with someone who meant something to me, but I was in a bad mood about it. Of course, I had no control over the schedules and these dates were planned well in advance even before I met Jen.

'Babe, it's just a day. We will do something when you get back.' Jen had told me when I realised what date the last show was.

She was so dismissive of the whole thing it actually made me more annoyed and cause us to have a fight.

'Don't be a child about it.' She told me, when I was having my tantrum.

'I'm not being a child. Why don't you give a shit?' I threw at her angrily. She looked at me like she could have killed me.

'Of course, I give a shit Taemin. But it is one day. It's a made up fake holiday and I don't need a day to remind me that I love you.'

She huffed out of the room leaving me to brood. Of course, she was right. Why did I need a day to remind me that I loved her. It was just the idea of it that I was excited about, I had ideas and plans, but then they seemed to be destroyed in a second.

I found her about half an hour later angrily pushing the buttons on the remote control as if she had had a fight with the TV remote and not me.

I had carefully placed my arms around her shoulders from the back of the sofa to whisper in her ear 'You're right. I'm sorry'

We were fine after that, and she told me she did understand why I was upset, but we could do something the day after.

After the meal when Sarah met everyone, it seems her and Kyungsoo had struck up a kind of, friendship, I guess you could call it. I wouldn't say it was a relationship. But he asked her if she would draw his mother for him, and therefore asked her if he could contact her sometimes. Since then it seems they had talked a lot, but not a lot of drawing of his mother had been done.

Him and the rest of Exo were in the Philippines and then spending the rest of February in America. I missed Jongin being around but part of me was glad Chanyeol wasn't around, especially when I wouldn't be.

Sarah was excited to see us perform, since she hadn't up close before. Before I knew it we were all in Japan and preparing for the first night's performance. Everything went well and we had a great time together in the hotel after. However, I was upset, because I knew the next day Jen would be going around Japan and I wouldn't see her for a few weeks.

I don't know why I was so upset. I would go weeks without really seeing her in Korea when I was busy with schedules and practicing, but there was something about knowing where she was and that she was at home when I would come home was comforting. Now I was scared of her going around Japan without me, I was scared of her going back to Korea, I was scared to be so far away from her.

The next day she left and I felt very down the whole day. I was sure it affected my performance that night but the guys didn't say so if it did.

Jonghyun and Jinki did try their best to cheer me up all day but all I could think about was video calling Jen later that night back at the hotel.

I called her and she told me how they got to Tokyo ok and what they did. The conversation didn't last very long as she was super tired and if I was honest I was tired too but I just wanted to see her.

I called her the next night too, and once in the day time. In fact, I called her every day for a week straight. Sometimes twice, always with texts inbetween.

Jen: Taemin, you never text me or even answer your phone usually, why are you so worried babe?

T: I just miss you. A lot.

Jen: I miss you too, but you're going to get bored of me really quick when we have nothing to talk about.

T: Are you kidding, I could talk to you forever.

Jen: You're sweet but you're crazy. Just relax babe.

T: ☹

Jen: xxxx

I started to get paranoid again, and clingy. I knew it, I could feel it, I could feel her getting annoyed with me but I couldn't help myself. I felt like I couldn't stop.

'Are you texting her again??' ask Key one afternoon after we arrived in Fukui. I looked over at him surprised. He shook his head looking out the window.

'Leave her be for a while.' He said quietly.

I looked at Jonghyun who was exchanging glances with Minho, Jinki having fallen asleep on the way and missed everything.

'Do you guys think the same?' I asked them.

They exchanged the same looks and Minho leaned forward.

'Tae, you're new to this, so I get it, but you don't usually text or call all the time when you're at home right? She's with her sister, just let her be. It'll be fine. If you keep bugging her it will start and argument and that's the last thing you want.'

'Why?' I asked completely naively.

'Because, when you want to talk to someone, but they have nothing to say because you've talked about it already, you get annoyed. It plays tricks on you, you start to think they don't want to speak to you, when they do but they just don't have anything to say.' Explained Jonghyun, crossing his arms over his chest. I looked blankly between the two of them.

I nodded although I was kind of annoyed. I put my phone back in my pocket. I wasn't exactly convinced of what they were telling me. How could we run out of things to talk about? She was travelling, doing things, so why wouldn't we have something to talk about right?

Turns out they were completely right. I ignored their advice and kept calling and texting her as usual, just not in front of them, and it cause a fight.

It was the day before Valentine's day and two days before we would see each other again. She had arrived back in Korea two days ago and hadn't done a whole lot except work.

Jen: Taemin I'm going to go.

She said after we had only been connected around 10 minutes.

T: Why you don't want to talk to me? Don't you miss me?

I had said this and instantly regretted it knowing how pathetic I sounded.

Jen: No that's not it. But I have literally nothing else to tell you. I'm going to see you again in two days. Why do you always think I don't miss you?

T: You don't sound like you miss me.

The conversation went on like this until she got annoyed and I got annoyed back and eventually hung up the phone. I knew she wouldn't reply any of my messages now until I got back, and I knew I had made a mistake being so clingy. What was wrong with me?

xt to Jen and J'*