Taemin in real life.

Part 58

We cried together on the hospital bed way into the night.

Eventually we stopped crying together and just sat holding onto each other.

'I'm sorry' were the first words she whispered to me.

'Why? You have nothing to be sorry for,' I whispered back stroking her hair and kissing her head.

'I lost your baby.' She barely breathed out.

'You didn't do anything, you did nothing wrong. Don't think like that.' I told her wrapped my arms around her tighter.

'We didn't even talk about having kids together, not really.' She said, she sounded like she was half talking to herself.

'Yeah, I know. You did want kids?' I asked apprehensively.

'Yeah, I do, I really do.' She whispered back. 'Do you? You're so young, sometimes, sometimes I worry about that.'

'Baby, I couldn't think of anything I want more than kids with you.' I told her. 'Why would you worry, I'm not that young.'

'You'd be a good dad.' She told me dreamily.

'And you would be an excellent mother. One day we will get the chance. Today just isn't that day.'

'Yeah, you're right. I just, I didn't expect to feel so, empty.' She told me sadly.

'Me either my love.' I told her, feeling the exact emptiness, she was describing weighing me down.

'I'm sorry this happened to you.' I told her.

She drew her face up to look me in the eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes looking so sad and ravaged by the week's events, she blinked once and said, 'I'm sorry it happened to you too.'

I felt my heart melt. 'When they let me, I'm going to take you home and look after you.'

'I'm sorry you had to come back here, you need to sleep.' She told me.

'No, I'm right where I need to be.' I told her.

We fell asleep together, awkwardly on the bed. Our tears had dried as I woke up aching all over. I looked down at Jen, she was still sleeping, but her face looked so sad as she slept.

I decided to stretch while she was still asleep. I made my way to the bathroom and then to the café to get coffee, and while I was there I checked my phone, intending to make some calls.

I had messages from everyone, Jonghyun asking if everything was ok, my manager trying to find out where I was and if everything was ok. Jongin, Key, Jinki, Minho, Sarah.

Sarah said she was sorry she wasn't there yet, but she would arrive today and come to the hospital.

I looked somewhat dumbfounded at her message wondering if I should tell her what had happened.

I called my manager first and told him what happened. He was a great guy who understood completely and told me he would remove my schedules for a few days.

I called Jonghyun next and explained what happened, holding back tears the whole time I was telling him.

'I'm so sorry Taemin.' He said very quietly when I had finished. 'How is Jen now? And you?'

'I'm ok, I mean, I'm numb, I don't know what to feel. It's kind of a mind fuck, you were going to be a dad a few minutes ago, but now you're not sorry. Jen is shook up. I've never seen her like that ever, usually she's so strong, but she just seemed so broken.'

He didn't say anything. His lack of noise I took for shock.

'Jonghyun?' I asked.

'Yeah, I'm still here. I just don't know what to say, I can't imagine Jen broken.'

'Me too Jong. Would you tell the others, and tell them not to come back to the hospital? I don't know if seeing anyone is a good idea.' I explained.

'Yeah no problem. Let me know if you need anything.' He said as we hung up.

I made my way slowly back to her room to be there when she woke up. As I turned down the corridor though there were two police officers waiting outside the room.

'Can I help you?' I said angrily.

'We need a few minutes to speak to your girlfriend Mr Lee,' they addressed me.

'Do you have to do this now? 'I pleaded not wanting her to have to deal with this right now.

'I'm afraid so, it's been a few days since the attack and we really need a statement.

I paced around, 'Do you know what she's been through.' I said my voice rising.

'Mr Lee, I know it is a difficult time, but it will only take a few moments.' They said.

'She's just lost our baby! She doesn't need this right now.' I raged.

They looked taken aback for a second before saying 'Mr Lee, you need to calm down, I am very sorry for your loss, but the sooner we do this the sooner it is over with for you and your girlfriend.'

I paced around, and then decided maybe they were right.

'Can you give me a second?' I asked, they nodded and I turned and walked into the room.

'Hey baby,' I said softly, Jen turned to look at me, her eyes were sore, she looked completely broken, a shadow of the person she had only been 24 hours ago.

She didn't say anything, she didn't even smile, she just watched me.

'I'm sorry you have to do this now, but the police are outside, they say they need a statement from you, are you ok to talk to them now?' I watched her with every ounce of concern I had.

She nodded slowly. I gave her my best half smile 'that's my girl.' And went outside to get them.

'You can come in now.' I said.

'Mr Lee I'm afraid you need to wait out here while we talk to her. We won't be long.' They walked past me into the room and left me outside dumbstruck.

About 15 minutes later they both came out from the room.

I stood up quickly, 'so what happens now?' I asked.

They gave each other glances.

'A caution will be issued, but she doesn't want to press formal charges. There is not much else we can do if she doesn't want to go ahead with prosecution.' They smiled and walked away.

I knew she didn't want to press charges, but something about that was making me angry now. What if the person who stabbed her was responsible for us losing our baby. Didn't that make them a murderer?

The last thing I wanted to do was go in to her room and start a fight with her over this. So instead I sat back down and called Jinki, who helped me keep calm and stay rational. I got off the phone with him 20 minutes later. I sunk back into the seat and realised how utterly exhausted I was. I was overwhelmed by everything that had happened in the past few days, I was sleep deprived and I had lost a child I didn't even know I wanted until it was taken away from me. Grief began to overcome me and I sat with my head in my hands sobbing.

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