Taemin in real life.

Part 46

We performed on Valentine's day and I arranged to take a late-night flight back to Korea as soon as I finished. I was exhausted, and even though it was technically the early hours of the 15th not the 14th I wanted to be back in Korea.

I picked up a bunch of roses on my way to Jen's apartment and let myself in when I got there.

There was no light on in the kitchen or living room, so I assumed she had actually gone to sleep.

I looked down at my watch and saw the time was 2.30am. I carefully made my way to her bedroom and saw there was a light coming from it.

I could hear her talking and assumed she was speaking to her sister. I looked across the hall to her sister's room and there was definitely no light on there.

I paused at the door of the bedroom before I knocked. I raised my hand to knock when I heard Chanyeol.

'You should go to sleep, it's got to be late there.' I heard him saying softly.

'I know, but I can't sleep.' I heard Jen reply in the same tone.

'Awww you're missing me huh?' he teased her. I felt my stomach drop.

'Shut up Chan. How's Sarah doing?' She asked him, dismissing his comment.

'She's ok. Baek is teasing her like mad, but she's enjoying it I think. Soo keeps punching anyone who's teasing her.' He laughed.

Jen laughed with him. 'I'm so surprised he invited her out there.'

Chanyeol continued to laugh. 'I'm not.' He told her.

'Why?' she quizzed him.

'Because he really likes her. He's kind of a romantic you know, like me.' He laughed again.

'Yeah true romantic you are.' She laughed.

'I am, I called you on Valentine's day, didn't I?'

I began feeling really sick, what was I listening to? Why couldn't I stop?

'I called you first of all, and it had nothing to do with Valentine's day.' She told him.

'Yah yah,' he dismissed her.

'Heyyyyyyyy My favourite girl.' I heard Baekhyun shouting.

'Get off me.' I heard Chanyeol yelling. Jen giggling.

'How are you Baek?' she asked.

'Missing you beautiful.' He cooed, jokingly.

She laughed at him, 'Uhuh bet you are, look after my sister ok. Don't tease her too much.'

'I won't Soo is giving me bruises. He's literally killing me.' He complained.

'You deserve it, you're trouble.' She told him.

'You're trouble.' I heard him tease back. 'Ok I'm going.'

There was a pause.

'He's gone' Chanyeol whispered.

'How do you put up with him?' Jen asked.

'Easy, I put up with a lot of stuff. You for example.'

'Don't start that Chan.' She said.

'It's Valentine's day.' He whined.

'I don't care, we are friends. Don't start that again.'

He paused again, and I held my breath, fearing.

'I love you, friend.' He said, I could hear the sadness in his voice.

'I love you too, as my FRIEND.' She emphasised the word friend. 'I don't know what I would do without you Chan, sometimes you keep me sane.' She said, sounding sad.

'Sometimes?' he asked.

'Yeah, sometimes you drive me insane.' She laughed again.

'Why aren't you video calling Taemin?' He asked.

She huffed and didn't answer straight away.

'I talked to him before. But he's got to be tired, he just finished performing. I'll see him tomorrow, so it's no big deal.'

'That didn't really answer the question.' He poked.

'He calls me all the time. It's a bit much sometimes.' She huffed. It sounded like she didn't want to admit this to him.

I had heard enough. I felt deflated. Empty and angry. I pulled myself away from the door. I had been so excited 30 minutes ago to see her and now I felt betrayed a little. I walked out of the apartment, taking every ounce of self-control not to make a lot of noise or get really mad. I made my way down to the car park, throwing the roses all over the floor, got in my car and screamed.

I drove home erratically. It was a miracle I didn't hit anyone. I threw myself into my house and down onto the sofa.

Why was I so mad? She didn't actually betray me, she didn't tell him she wanted to be with him, she didn't flirt with him, he was doing the pushing. So why did I feel so hurt and betrayed by their conversation? Why didn't she tell me Kyungsoo had flown Sarah out there and she was alone here? Was it that she said she didn't know what she would do without him? Was it that she said I called her too much and what was it? 'It was a bit much sometimes?' Or was it that she sounded so happy talking to him, natural, in a way she hasn't been when I call her?

I screamed again. I never lose my shit. I never lose my cool, I don't really cry, why was I going insane now? Why was I losing my grip on my girlfriend? I began to think, maybe she wants to leave me. Maybe she would prefer Chanyeol.

Paranoia took over my mind all night and I fell into a restless unhappy sleep right there on the sofa.

aEb/;