Taemin in real life.

Part 60

The next day I was able to take Jen home. The doctor said she would be physically fine, but offered other services in case she wanted to speak to someone about her trauma.

She outright refused and wouldn't even talk to me about it on the way home. I was taking her back to my house to stay in with me. That was the plan in the beginning, she was to stay with me, and right now I didn't want her to go anywhere else.

We arrived home in silence and she told me she was tired so was going to go and sleep. I watched her walk slowly up the stairs and out of sight. I didn't want to be over bearing, but I was worried about her. If she wanted to sleep that was fine. I was also exhausted. I took a shower and I lay down on the sofa in the living room. Before I knew it several hours had passed and the house had become dark. It didn't appear as if Jen had woken up either.

I set about turning lights on and making coffee. I went to the bedroom to check on her, see if she needed anything, but she was so still in the bed I hovered by the door unwilling to wake her up.

I realised I had not eaten anything in what felt like years, so I ordered some chicken, thinking, if Jen wanted to eat at least there was food here.

I passed the time mindlessly flicking through the TV unable to focus on anything to watch, fighting against my mind with the grief that kept threatening to swallow me up.

My manager had told me to take a few days off to make sure she was ok, and I was also ok so at least I didn't have to worry about letting anyone down, but to be honest I felt like I needed the distraction to take my mind off everything.

Sometime before midnight I made my way to the bedroom, Jen was still sleeping steadily, she appeared to not have moved all day long. I climbed into the bed next to her and whispered her name. She didn't move, so I didn't push her. I fell uneasily into a restless sleep.

The next couple of days went somewhat similarly. She did not get out of bed for any reason it seemed, I wanted to let her sleep, but I wasn't about to let her starve to death. I forced her to sit up and eat at least a couple of bites of food before she turned back over in the bed and went back to sleep. Occasionally I could hear her crying, when I would run in and hold her, rock her and tell her it was going to be ok.

On the third day I was beginning to lose my mind. I desperately wanted to help but I didn't have a clue what to do.

I decided to call Jonghyun.

'Jong, I don't know what to do at all.' I half cried to him.

'I don't know Tae, this is out of my depth, but she needs to get up, you need to do something, she's obviously depressed. All you can do till then is just be there I guess.' He sounded sad.

'Yeah I guess so.' I sighed.

'Try and talk to her. Be firm, but don't be mean.' He suggested. 'Taem...' he began.

'Yeah?' I asked yawning.

'I found you some rings, I think, you might like to look at, but there's no rush'

'Oh yeah? That's perfect.' I told him. 'Send them to me when you can, ok?'

'Sure, er, have you heard from the manager?' he asked sounding off.

'Not really why?' I asked perking up.

He sighed deeply. Oh god. 'What now?'

'They reported the stabbing, and somehow it was leaked that she lost the baby.' He said sounding a lot like someone who didn't want to be saying these words to me.

I groaned loudly. 'Please god no.' I cried. I couldn't take something else.

'Don't worry about it. I just thought you should know about it.' He said sounding very sorry.

'Thanks Jong.' I said hanging up.

Why can't they leave us alone, why can't they just close the door on my private life. Did they really need to know everything? Every last detail?

I thought over Jonghyuns suggestion for the rest of the day and tried to avoid thinking about us being in the news again.

I decided around dinner time to try it out. I made her some food and took it upstairs to her.

'Jen, you need to eat babe.' I coaxed.

She didn't move.

'Babe, please, you can't keep doing this, please sit up and talk to me.' I begged her.

She turned her face out of the pillows to look at me. I heard her sigh and sit up, she looked the same as ever, beautiful, but exhausted, sad and heartbroken.

'Good girl, I made you noodles,' I said bringing the bowl in front of her.

She looked at me apprehensively, but began to eat. I watched her as she finished the whole bowl.

'Good girl,' I said taking the bowl away and putting it on the side table.

I held onto her hands rubbing my thumbs in circles in her palms.

'You need to stop sleeping baby, please, I don't know how to look after you.' I begged her. 'I don't know what I need to say.'

I chanced a look at her face, she was weary and tired, I could see that.

'I just feel so empty.' She told me. I stared into her beautiful eyes, thankful she was speaking.

'I do too.' I sympathised, 'But I'm here, please don't shut me out.'

'I'm not trying to.'

'But you're hiding up here, you're not eating, you're not speaking. Maybe, maybe the counsellor the doctor suggested ... might ....'

'No.' she said stubbornly.

'Why not? It might help?'

'No Taemin. No.' she cried.

'Don't cry my love, please' I held onto her.

'Why me? Why did this happen to me again?' she wailed in my arms.

'I don't know baby, I don't know, but it's not your fault. None of it is your fault' I cried back at her.

'It's all my fault. I can't carry children. People hate me because I stole you from them. Other women want to steal you from me, and then you hurt me. You hurt me.' She sobbed and sobbed, everything that had happened coming out, her body was shaking violently with her cries.

'I'm sorry my love.' I cried back, half in shock, half in guilt, 'I'm so sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry this has happened to you. You don't deserve this.'

'I don't think I can do it anymore. I can't be here anymore.' She cried, the volume of her sob so slow and so real it scared the absolute shit out of me.

What did she mean?

hel'R