HYUNG, YOU'RE BAD [YM]

DIARY

Jimin slammed the door and ran upstairs, tears trailing down on his cheeks like waterfalls. He didn't pause as he got into his room either. He slammed the room door too. Then he ran to his desk, pulled back his chair and he picked up a hard cover book entitled as diary, and a pen.

A few seconds later, his hand flew over the pages, forming words.

Dear diary,

I hate this.

That's all I have to say.

Being an invalid, a patient, a fucking boy suffering from some metal illness.

It's all very tiring.

Just today, I was opening the door to the mailman. He asked for my signature to a parcel that arrived. What did I do?

I slammed the door to his face and ran away.

Sometimes, I think that ending this would be more than okay. This life that I'm supposed to be grateful and happy with, I really want to let it go but I can't  I wasn't even allowed to do that because of my disorder.

I didn't have much hope.

I don't have much hope now either, except for a teeny tiny factor. Actually, it's not tiny. It's taller than me, and is in the form of a human.

Yoongi hyung.

I'm really not being cheesy. But he's a really big help for me.

But I don't want to talk. I don't want to do this. I just can't. It's just so hard. I want to recover, but Ijust can't find the courage to. I don't think anyone will get what I'm going through.They'll never understand what I'm going through. Never. Not even Yoongi hyung. I mean, he has a really good social life right? My eyes aren't blind to not see those pink gifts he gets, everyday. He can interact, but I can't. He might help me, but he'll never understand me.

It all started with that incident back in the sixth grade. Before that, I was really a chatty person, I always got called on from teachers for too much talking in class. That seems like another life altogether. I just can't see myself like that anymore. It's nothing but a fantasy.

This seems to be easy. Writing all these feelings down. I don't have to talk or anything. This is just so relaxing.

I'm surprised.

This writing makes me seem like a normal person, doesn't it? Believe me, I wish that I was.

But....

That means I won't meet Yoongi hyung again, if I wasn't like this, right? Mrs. Min wouldn't send me here for Yoongi hyung to baby sit if I was normal, right? Actually I don't think I would want that. Like ever. I can't bear to be away from him now. I may seem like I'm obsessed, maybe I am. But it's the truth.

I mean, my parents were never near me. But in this one month, ONE MONTH, Yoongi hyung had done more than they have ever done. The only reason that I was even able to talk to Jungkook and Jin was because of Yoongi hyung.

He's my CURE.

Not some shitty medicine.

Everyday, when I'm near him, I fell physically, mentally, EMOTIONALLY better.

I think- no, nothing, I'm getting addicted. 

Anyway, Yoongi hyung told me that Jungkook confessed to that Taehyung boy. I hope they're happy, Jungkook seemed like a nice person.

I'll ask later.

 Hyung, I want to recover, but can I? Doc says my situation is fully treatable. But I'm not sure.

I just don't know.

But I'm tired of this.

Tired of being scared of the world.

If it weren't for my stupid brain I'd be FINE. It's infuriating knowing that I don't HAVE to be scared but I still AM. Its maddening. It's so frustrating.

It actually feels really good getting this off my chest.

This is so calm. I like this. 

Hey Yoongi hyung, if you're reading this. which I'm sure you aren't because this is INSANELY boring, please don't read what I'm going to write next.

I just want to get it off my chest. So PLEASE don't read.

I trust you. A LOT. So please trust me.

I'll tell you when I'm ready, because right now, I'm not ready for a lot of things.

Please PLEASE be patient.

I know you're cursing at me right now, but PLEASE hyung?

don't read.

Please.

.

.

.

.

I think I'm falling for you, Yoongi hyung.