Spiderboy

fifty seven

Alexis avoided me in school, even going as far as to go the opposite direction when I come in. Ned Michelle and I had stopped sitting with her and Roxy at lunch, but I still spent most of the time looking at her. 

"if you're going to stare at her, at least tell her why." Michelle's bored voice cut through my attention and I looked over to her, her face lifted out of her book.

"She knows why." I replied and Michelle shrugged, and went back to reading. 

"Seriously Peter. Go talk to her." Ned told me and I shrugged as well. 

"I don't know, I don't think she wants to talk to me." I replied.
Actually, I knew that she didn't want to talk to me. She came to class as late as possible, sitting at the very front of the class to avoid seeing me at the back, and leaving the second the bell rang. Still I knew she could feel my gaze boring into her at all times. 

"um. No way. Everyone could see the thing between you." Ned exclaimed.
I shook my head.

"there was no thing between us." I lied, ducking my head and hearing Michelle snort 

"so you skipping class and staying at each others place overnight and making out against her locker meant nothing?" Ned said loudly- a little too loudly. I cringed, watching Alexis stand abruptly and hearing her stool scrape back. The cafeteria was quiet now, everyone was watching her and I heard Ned whisper an apology as she stormed past, out of the cafeteria, avoiding my gaze. 

I sighed. "Nothing to her, no."

Alexis

"So, what happened with you guys anyway? You actually seemed to really like him." Roxy said, interested as usual about what destroyed the relationship between me and Peter.

"yeah, well I don't anymore." I said coldly, trying to ignore the same conversation between Peter Ned and Michelle, and the ache in my heart when I heard his warm voice, filled with sadness.
It's his own fault 

My heart was broken because of him, also because of my own actions. I felt the sting of betrayal every time I saw him, and I could feel him watching me, all day, everyday. 

I regretted coming to school today at all, and wished more than ever to go back to bed, but it was unhealthy, and dad and Uncle Jack were worried about me. I still had feelings for Peter, strong ones, and they made me feel as if I was betraying my mother in some way, so I just ignored him. Him and every emotion related to him. But even hearing his familiar, warm tones almost broke me. 

"I don't know, I don't think she wants to talk to me" Peters voice rang out from behind me. I shut my eyes and groaned. Why did I think I could do this? I felt my eyes burn with now familiar tears and I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

"Roxy can we leave? I don't really want to be here anymore." a said looking up to meet my best friends concerned gaze. 

"Alexis, what did he do?" she whispered 

"umm, no way, everyone could see the thing between you two"
Neds voice seemed to mock me from where he sat.

"no, I don't know, I'm just-" 

"there was nothing between us" Peters voice rang out, which only hurt even more. Gosh, why did I think coming here would be good for me?

Roxy looked between me and Peter, realisation crossing her features.
"Oh, Alexis, i'm so sorry, please, tell me what he did to you."

I sighed. I couldn't lie to my best friend, but I couldn't tell her the truth either. 

"so you skipping class and staying at each others place overnight and making out against her locker meant nothing?" Neds voice was loud enough to ring across the whole cafeteria, and I clenched my fist, shoving my chair back as I stood up, and left. 

Catching Peters eye before I passed through the doors, his deep brown eyes almost made me stop, and stare back. Ignoring my own pain and resentment and for one second, wishing that nothing happened, and allowing myself to feel the warmth of his gaze, and letting that warmth fill me for one second. 

Then I snapped back into reality and heartbreak hit me harder than ever. I walked out of the cafeteria and towards my locker, ready to collect my bag and leave, and hearing whispers all around me. 

"Lexa, stop" I hear Peter from behind me and I'm filled with the same rage from the night at Avengers tower. 

"I told you to stop calling me that." I said curtly, avoiding his face and opening my locker. Hoping the dented metal door would form a stronger barricade between the two of us. But no such thing happened. He put his hand against the door, slamming it shut, and I stared at his hand before turning away, and walking towards the schools exit. 

"Alexis, please, we need to talk!" He called out after me, and I ignored him.

"I have nothing to say to you Peter." I could see the door in front of me, my escape, but of course it would never be that easy. 

The bell rang and people started to disperse, heading off to class. Peter slowed to a stop behind me and I sighed again. I was so over it. I was at my breaking point, emotionally drained, tired and broken beyond repair. 

"please." his voice echoed through the now empty halls, the last scuffle faded away and I turned to meet him

"what do you want." 

My voice sounded so hollow now. Is that what everyone was hearing? maybe i wasn't as okay as i thought.

 
"I just want to talk." 

"well you've got five minutes so start talking."

"Alexis, please-"

"start talking!"

He sighed and dropped his head.
"Can we at least go somewhere more private?"

"here's fine."

"Alexis." Peter raised his eyebrow at me and I sighed, rolling my eyes and following him across school and behind the bleachers in the football field. 

I sat down on the overgrown grass beneath me and dug the palms of my hand into my eyes, relaxing at the cool touch of my hands and preparing for whatever he was about to say. 

"you're alive." he said and my head snapped up in surprise, shock slowly fading into anger.

"I'm alive? Yeah, no thanks to you!" I cried out and Peter flinched.

"no, Lexa, that's not what I meant." he said softly, trying to calm me down and failing miserably. 

"I told you to stop calling me that." I said coldly, and he stepped back at the iciness in my tone.
"my mother was dying. I was dying. And you went straight past us! Straight past her! And now she's dead and it's all. Your. Fault." 

I stared straight at him and I could see the heavy guilt in his eyes.

"I didn't know it was you in there."

I laughed and stood up, although nothing was funny. I didn't think anything could be less funny. 

"it doesn't matter who was in there. It's not your job to save your friends Peter, You're supposed to save them all."