The Hawthorne Effect (BoyXBoy)

Chapter 16: Speaking Poetry.

THE START OF FEBRUARY 2018
YEAR 12

That last week of November goes past quick, and soon December's gone too.

Charlie and Tamara soon become the talk of the Sixth Form block. Everyone seems to be in love with the idea of them... everyone expect for me. They're always walking around the corridors together, palm in palm, lips on lips. Teachers adore them together; Tamara's a good influence on him, apparently. I can see it too, he's a lot more reserved now than he's ever been. In lessons he's still loud, but he's less dependent on the attention he always used to seek when he was with his friends. Soon, the whole Hawthorne Effect becomes less and less applicable with him. His good side, basically, becomes his only side.

This is bad news for me, of course, because it makes me long for him more, but also because I wish that I was the one who had destroyed that not-so-pleasant side of him.

Things just get more and more progressive with every passing week - and not just with Charlie and Tamara, either.

Mason seems to get more and more daring every time we hand out. Now that Charlie is out of the picture, he's getting more and more flirtatious, and his intentions are clear. I know what he wants, but I don't want it. Sometimes I'm tempted just to try him and I out, but the idea of that does anything but thrill me. I think that if I had never met Charlie, perhaps I would be dating Mason. And maybe one day I will - I just need to recover first.

But alas, as the weeks roll by, my heart does not heal. I'm haunted by the idea that we came so close to something so great, but ran out of oxygen.

Over Christmas, Mason comes up with the idea that Charlie's only with Tamara because he's scared of liking another boy. It would make sense since he did freak out at the thought of Mason knowing about us when we were on the trip, but I don't think I'm lucky enough for that to be the reason why he suddenly hates me.

Tamara said that they had been talking for a while before they actually got together, so Charlie must've liked her all the while him and I were getting closer and closer.

But what was I to him, then? An experiment? A moment of lust? A flickering emotion? Because he sure as hell doesn't like me now.

When we come back to school after Christmas, he doesn't look at me. Media is as awkward as ever since he talks to anyone but me. Not that he used to talk to me much before, but still.

Soon we're in February half term, and I find myself in my room with Mason.

"...and it's just, like... ugh, you know?" I zone back into his rant about how much revision he has to do over this week off.

"Mocks aren't fun," I tell him, stroking my dog who lies with me on top of my duvet. "But they're useful - so do your best, sis."

"So do your best, sis." He mimics with a voice that sounds nothing like mine.

"Excuse me, I'm trying to motive you." I say to the boy who sits on the floor with his back up against my door.

"Well, you're failing." He sighs. "You're lucky yours aren't until the end of the year."

"But that means I've more notes to take when they come around - I'll have a whole years worth to go through."

He thinks about what I just said for a moment. "Can't you just let me complain without coming at me with sensible logic?"

"Sorry, excuse me, please continue."

"No it's fine," He overacts being offended. "I'll just suffer in silence."

"Have fun with that."

As I close my eyes and readjust my head on my pillow, I feel my phone buzz beside me.