The Hawthorne Effect (BoyXBoy)

Chapter 32: Autopilot.

Halleloo i'm back bitches!!

CHILD
I FEEL LIKE IVE AGED 173638492827 YEARS SINCE THE LAST UPDATE? LIKE HOW HAS IT BEEN THAT LONG?!

I am so sorry to everyone I've let down by just yeeting with no warning or explanation. My life literally has done a 180 flip these past few months, and it hasn't been the easiest thing to deal with/adapt to.

But I am here now, and I'm back with possibly the longest fucking chapter I think I've ever created. (I didn't really think I could come back from being nearly 2 months away with a 32 word instalment and then dip again so ajdgshajakka)

If you're still here, just know that I can't express how grateful I am for you sticking around, and how sorry I am for letting you down.

Hopefully there will be no more breaks before the end of the book (which is only like 3 chapters away AH)

Hope this was worth the wait

-SBB ♡

//

The shaking starts in my fingertips as if there are tiny people stamping quickly and powerfully at my skin.

Then, like a wildfire being swept up in a wind, the shaking heads down the lengths of all my fingers and to my wrists.

I don't even need to move to know my whole hands are shaking against the cold surface of the table which I'm still sitting on.

Then the shaking starts in the pit of my stomach, starting off like a small swirl that infects itself into a hurricane in my belly. The shaking starts spreading like a virus, charging its way to my legs, making them feel weak and lifeless. Like twigs barely hanging onto a dying tree, I feel like they'll snap off from beneath me if I try to stand up.

I've been in this moment before. Something bad happens with Charlie that crushes me. It almost feels like it's routine, like its muscle memory. It's the same feeling as all the other times I've been in this position. Except, this time, it's heightened. I guess there's more at stake here. It stings a lot more this time, especially when you think about that it was only a couple days ago when I conquered my fear of being in another intimate moment with someone, in case they took advantage of it again. I've trusted this boy in entirety for not even 48 hours yet... and he's already fucked up.

I know I should give him the benefit of the doubt, but I'm not going to. I'm not going to because this is so typical Charlie. Don't believe me? Look at the girl who stands in front of me, her face showing more and more worry the longer I sit here in silence. She's Tamara, the same girl who Charlie cheated on before him and I got together. The same girl who warned me that Charlie will get bored of me eventually and move onto someone else when I'm no longer any use to him.

And she's not the only one to warn about Charlie.

Mason did, too.

One day he'll start pursuing someone else, he said - or at least something along those lines. I know I really shouldn't take Mason's word, emphasis on Mason's, but it still hangs with me. And it's particularly painful in times like these.

"Dan?" Tamara finally dares to say something.

"Why did you tell me that?" I groan, holding my head in my hands. "Why did you have to tell me that?"