Red [A Karezi Fanfic]

Swim, Brother

Karkat's lungs were heavy and his body was stiff by the time the cold slam of his fathers door echoed through the house. Everyone around him was collectively stuck in their positions not so long ago, staring at the spot where the old man used to be standing. His ears were ringing for some reason, not paying attention to Terezi who held onto his arm, or Latula with a hand on his shoulder.

"Okay," The older one of the Pyropes started, relaxing herself. "I know the whole make up with family thing is important, but this guys a dick." Her voice was less confident and slow, like she was contemplating what to say before she said it. Kankri let out a breath after hearing her, turning around to look at the group.
"Father is..." He paused, looking to his side like it had answers. "Not at his best state." The man walked over to the coffee table to set down his clipboard, staring at it for a moment.
"I apologize for trying to attempt something with little chance of going right. He should have never said what he did, and you didn't deserve to hear such resentments." Kankri's head was bowed, but slowly rose as he turned to the group once again, standing there like he didn't know what to do next. Really, he was waiting for an outburst, a yell, but it didn't come.
"Karkat?" Terezi's soft voice rang from his side, snapping himself back to reality. He was livid, to say the least. A part of Karkat wanted to yell or cry or anything explosive to let out all the pent up anger. But a part of him was silent, the scene replaying over and over in his head. Despite the absence of his dad and the neglect from his entire family in general, Karkat longed for something he hadn't before. Some fucking recognition.

He hadn't gotten a pat to the back from his dad for a while now, he didn't get to see Kankri smile all brotherly proud at him since seventh grade, and he sure as hell didn't see his mom nod, satisfied whenever he showed her his report card.

It was all too bittersweet, the story of the Vantas family. Divorced abusive mother, work deprived father, unrealistic older brother and basket case son. There was no way you could fix them, and no compromise between the family to mend anything. It had been like that from the start, like a bomb ticking down before finally exploded. Karkat just wished the aftermath hit him when he was older and more independent, not when he was a kid still growing. 

Karkat took a deep breath, like he was scavenging the last of his sanity in this one whiff, looking over at Terezi with a look so full of insanity that he himself wouldn't have believed it. He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but there was something caught in his throat and all that happened were blotchy tears falling down his cheeks. It made everyone panic, the room growing alarmed all too quickly. 

"That asshole." He spat, face full of rage despite the frustrated tears. Terezi pulled him into a hug and Latula rubbed circles in his back. Mituna watched, unable to really try to comfort, only standing beside Kankri who watched in shame. It wasn't his fault, but he was probably thinking it. They led him to the couch to sit, where the group huddled in the given space in silence, listening to the wet sniffs and shaky breaths of Karkat. 

"When I was young, when you were still a baby," Kankri started quietly, when Karkat seemed to be less of a mess. He was sitting where his father previously was, leaning forward so that his forearms rested in his knees, looking over at the boy hidden in Terezi's shoulder. The group looked over at him, listening 

"Mother was still around and she'd sing you songs when you were crying. Once she started, you fell asleep just like that, but she would always continue until the song would end. It was really beautiful, her voice, she would read me stories and such." Kankri was staring at the carpet, expression full of sadness, but all the while reminiscing. He smiled to himself silently, think of how it used to be before she died, and before their dad spiraled down to self-loathing. 

Karkat never knew his mother that well. She died when he was young and the only thing he did remember from his own memory was her warm touch and hugs, or when she would kiss his forehead gingerly like he was some glass figure. She was a gentle person, considering the stories he would hear from Kankri in the dead of night or the mentions by his father, before getting a glare from their step-mom. It was almost like she was the thin piece of ice holding them up to land, no wonder when she left the ice broke. All that was left was the drowning. 

Their mom was a mixture of sugar, honey and tea. At least, that's what a young Karkat would establish. She was shorter than their father, lighter than a feather but could probably fight their dad and win. Her laugh was contagious and she was clever, not as mischievous as her husband apparently, but far more witty. Whenever he imagines his mom, Karkat wonders if that was what she really was like. Or if the vision was tampered with after years of editing. As if the mother he pictured was only someone he hoped her to have been, and that she wasn't as special as everyone bargained for. 

"After she left, father tried to fill in the gaps. Sang with his tone deaf voice, read me stories even though he fell asleep before I did, really tried." His voice grew quiet, like he was just stopping himself from rambling. Karkat at this point emerged from his hiding spot behind the Pyrope and looked over at his older brother as he stared at the ground, look unreadable. It was almost like he was desperate for a good memory, for a way to cheer up his brother. 

"Kankri," He croaked out, his voice was hoarse and quiet. The older of the two looked up at him with a sense of alert, as if calling him pulled him out of his trance. Karkat met his eyes. 

"Thanks." He muttered, looking down. A small smile danced on Kankri's face slowly, letting out a sigh he didn't know he was holding. The man got up from his spot and over to his younger brother, pulling the boy into a hug. It took a second, but Karkat accepted it, his face smothered between Kankri's sweater and arm. With his face hidden he was able to hide a small tender smile,  relieved grin. But he quickly covered up the emotion just in case. 

"But take that look off your face, you look constipated." He muttered, muffled by the sweater in his face. Instead of leaning away with a small gasp, or any sign of a lecture, Kankri simply held him tighter in his grasp, Karkat feeling the vibrations as the man let out a small laugh. It reminded him of their mothers giggles when Karkat tripped on his face as a toddler, or when their dad did something stupid. It calmed him for some reason, and he finally felt like that gap between him and Kankri was no longer there, and that they were the only ones in the room. Which was false, because the rest of the group was staring at them all fondly, he felt a bit embarrassed and mad at himself. Seriously, I cried infront of everybody?

But the thought left as it came as a rush of footsteps flew down the stairs, like somebody was in a hurry. Everyone's faces dropped as Kendrick Vantas popped his head over the stair railing to look over at them, looking a bit sheepishly. Even Karkat, who leaned away from Kankri, face flattening at the sight of his father. They all watched him and his awkward stare, before he seemed to wake himself up from his thoughts and look at Karkat. 

"I'm sorry, its great weather for a walk. Karkat, care to join me?" His voice seemed strained, like he was scared that Karkat was going to get up and punch him to death. It that wasn't far off of a guess but he was currently in Kankri's embrace, so he wouldn't be able to move even if he wanted to. Kankri visibly seemed a bit set off, furrowing his brows a bit and gripping onto Karkat a bit more. In the corner of his eye he saw and also heard Latula cracking her knuckles as a form of intimidation, which was funny, as Terezi had to keep a hand on her sisters shoulder, in case she really did want to fight the man. Mituna was all ears though, and was beside the woman, rolling up his sleeves.  Karkat stared his father down cold for a bit, the man clearly looking a bit worried.

"Fuck no." The youngest Vantas spat.

He vaguely remembers hearing a sigh. 

w//n 'the end of the fucking world' has such a good soundtrack i'm yelling