That Cold Boy

35

Desidido akong gumala with Heidi. Pero hindi ko maiwasang makaramdam ng kaunting kaba sa gagawin ko.

"Let's watch a movie. Gusto ko sana yung erotic na showing ngayon kaso kailangan natin ng proof na 18 na tayo. And we don't have any!" Tawa ni Heidi habang nakasakay kami sa van niya. I texted Kuya Dodong to just fetch me on the mall later. I also texted Daddy that I'm with Heidi. After Dad replied with an okay, pinatay ko na ang cellphone ko.

I had fun with Heidi the whole day. And when it's time to go home, we agreed to contact our drivers.

Papasok na kami ni Heidi sa parking ng mall ng mamataan ko ang pamilyar na sasakyan ni JM. My heart hammered inside my chest. Shit!

I checked my phone for some text from Kuya Dodong but I found Daddy's.

Dad:

I'm with your Mom. Let's have dinner outside. We'll be the one to fetch you.

Nabuhayan ako ng loob na makakatakas.

"Susunduin daw ako nila Dad! Can you wait until they're here?" Tanong ko kay Heidi na busy sa pagtext sa driver niya. "Or you can join our dinner."

Tiningnan niya ako. "No problem, let's wait for your parents. But I can't join your dinner. I already said yes to my cousin. Sorry."

Tumango ako, quite relieve because I know as long as Heidi's with me, and later my parents will be, hindi makakalapit si JM.

Maya-maya lang ay pumarada sa harap namin ang kotse ni Dad. Lihim akong napangisi.

"Heidi. Your driver's here? Join us, iha." Yaya ni Mom.

"Good to see you again, Tita, Tito. You two looked gorgeous as ever." She giggled. "Nandito na po yung sundo ko. Hindi ko na din po kayo masasamahan kasi magkikita kami ng pinsan ko. Enjoy your dinner po!" She kissed me goodbye on my cheek at pumasok na ako sa kotse.

Napabuntong hininga na lang ako ng malagpasan na namin ang mall papunta sa favourite Mexican restaurant nila Mom. Relief is trying to wash the heaviness in my heart. I know I can't do this to him for long. But, right now, I just really don't want to talk to him. I am still not ready to hear his reasons. At kahit gaano ko pakaisipin ang mga maaari niyang rason, it always fall back to him trying to protect Vanessa beyond any extent. And it hurts. Not just my pride. And I am actually so scared to face my own feelings for these all are new to me. Wala naman akong mapagtanungan dahil walang pwedeng makaalam. Worst, even my only bestfriend. This sucks.

I lifted my mood for the dinner and my parents. Kaya sobrang drain na drain ako nang mapag-isa na ako sa kwarto pag-uwi namin.

He's calling. For the nth time.

But I chose to spend the remaining hours of the night thinking of how should I face him. Act normal, save my pride, then avoid him. That's the best I could think of. Or... Don't ask, forgive, forget, and stay with him. But that would mean being stupid just to have him still. And that would also mean I am a coward. Hindi pwedeng handa akong itago ang lahat ng insecurities ko dahil lang sa ayaw kong mawala siya sa akin. That's not me. I'm way better than that, I know.

Pero... Ano nga kaya ang magiging reaksyon ko kung sa kanya na mismo manggaling that he still have something for his ex. Would it... Break me?

Napalunok ako. Thoughts running in my head are all negative. Kahit na anong gawin kong pag-iisip ng mas maganda pa sa mga iyon, hindi ko magawa.

Another day came and I was weighing my emotions in the car. Kaya ko na bang harapin siya at makinig? Sa totoo lang ay napakadaling gawin niyon. But I was afraid of what I might hear from him. Natatakot akong sukatin ang magiging epekto no'n sa akin.