HufflepuffHolland's Writing Collection

Meet Me In The Hallway // Tom Holland

By Hufflepuffholland on Tumblr

Pairing: Tom Holland x Gender Neutral!Reader

Prompt: Based off Meet Me in the Hallway by Harry Styles

Notes/Warnings: This is my favorite song off the album. I love Harry Styles. He owns my ass. Also this might be the only imagine I have that isn't a happy ending?? ANGSTY SORRY. Bye.

-

I struggled to catch my breath while leaning against the door I'd just shut. The walls were closing in – I locked the door behind me and reached for the back of my sweatshirt, pulling it off; I hadn't even noticed my shirt clung to the material of the sweater, leaving the top half of myself bare. It feels like I'm drowning, the clothes I was wearing were clinging to my body and shrinking against my skin. I remembered that the sweatshirt was his. I could feel my stomach turn at the realization that something that was one of my biggest comforts was now making me feel like I was being suffocated. I jumped at the sudden fist on the door – the noise made me want to crawl into myself, but I settled for the bed instead.

"Please, please don't do this. Please, let me in." I could feel myself shaking – it wasn't him. It wasn't who I wanted him to be. I closed my eyes, breathing in his scent from the pillow, the scent he'd left here just the night before. I couldn't stomach it anymore – he couldn't bring me comfort. Not anymore.

Meet me in the hallway

Meet me in the hallway

I just left your bedroom

Give me some morphine

Is there any more to do?

The sound of his voice, pleading with me – begging for me – made my skin crawl. I tried to imagine myself being transported somewhere else. But, thinking of me being somewhere else just reminded me I was here. I was here. I wanted to be numb, please, I begged, to whoever would listen to me, please just make me not feel.

"I can explain – just open the door." You don't have to, I wanted to say. What were we? We weren't anything. He told me he loved me – but, he didn't have to. He'd only ever said it when he was hovering over me, the sweat collecting on his forehead with his eyes screwed shut while my praise for him was falling past my lips and through thick air. He wasn't mine. I always knew in the back of my head he'd never be. I'd never be his. I just hoped he never believed that – the way I'd never believed it.

His fist knocked on the door again, softer. I could feel the energy being drained from the both of us – sooner or later he'd get tired of trying to beat the door down. He'd get tired of fighting.

Just let me know I'll be at the door, at the door

Hoping you'll come around

Just let me know I'll be on the floor, on the floor

Maybe we'll work it out

"I'm not leaving." I barely heard him. My face was still against another pillow. When I heard his voice, I didn't hear what he was saying. I heard a name that wasn't mine and I heard names he said he'd only ever called me. Is that what I thought made me special? "I'm going to be here, in the middle of this hallway. Waiting." I shook my head against the pillow. "We can fix this," his voice dropped to a whisper, his body slumping against the door with a soft thud, "we'll get through this. We'll work through this. We'll work it out." I shook my head again – I couldn't tell if I was saying no to him or if I was trying to convince myself to stay on the bed.

"Tom," I gasped at the sound of my voice – the way his name sounded. I hadn't said it out loud since I got home; I had said it a few hours ago, but it only reached just below a whisper, so low that he hadn't even heard it. He didn't hear me walk in and say his name – begging him to stop.

"Yes?" I bit my lip, bringing my hands to my eyes and rubbing at them roughly, trying to stop the tears from coming down. Stop fucking crying. I shook my head to myself, feeling myself slip further away. "Please, darling. Please, just talk to me."

"I'm not yours." It wasn't what I expected I was going to say, but it was what I needed to say – for me. For myself. My sanity.

"I – What? Yes, you are. You always have been." I shook my head, laughing lightly as my hands left my face, letting myself cry. It wasn't like I had succeeded in stopping it. "Just—just open the door." I didn't say anything. I walked around the room and collected the things I had collected from our friendship through the years.

"Remember when we went to Disneyland? Haz was trying to set us up – he made it look like we were going as a group, then the group left us to hangout on our own?" I picked up the matching pins he'd bought for us at the end of the day. The bottlecap pin with Carl from UP. He had Ellie's – he always told me that it was because he was taking me on adventures I couldn't go on whenever he had press tours. Like Ellie couldn't go on anymore in the movie.

"Yeah, it was our first date. But, we decided to stay friends. We were both too busy." You were too busy, I wanted to say. I decided against it. I kept the pin in my closed palm and walked off toward the end of my desk, picking up a letter I had pinned on the side of it.

"Remember the letter you wrote me when you went back home on break?" My fingers ran over the words, they were barely legible. I'd cried over the letter whenever I'd missed him, for the past two years.

"Yeah – it was the first time I'd felt homesick. I wasn't with you." I smiled, despite the tears on my face. Don't feel anything, I reminded myself.

I walked the streets all day

Running with the thieves

'Cause you left me in the hallway

Give me some more

Just take the pain away

"I remember the first time you kissed me." I whispered – I didn't know if he heard me, but I kept talking. "You stayed over – we had one night before you left for three months. Which was how long we would be without each other–"

"It was the longest we'd ever been apart." I nodded to myself. He could hear me.

"You stayed over," I could feel my throat closing again, and I could hear how desperate I'd sounded trying not to choke on my words, "you kissed me before you walked out. You told me you couldn't live without me." I was crying again, and anyone could hear me. I hoped he heard how broken I was because of him. "You came back three months later and you slept with me. It was the first time you said you loved me. It was the first time you lied to me."

"I didn't lie to you." I laughed lightly at that, jumping when his fist pounded against the door again. "I didn't lie to you. I love you." I folded the pin in the letter he'd written me, stuffing both into the pocket of the sweatshirt of his I was wearing. I pulled my shirt back on, walking over to the door. "I love you." He kept repeating it. I didn't know if he was trying to convince me or himself.

But I couldn't feel it anymore. I couldn't feel anything anymore.

We don't talk about it

It's something we don't do

'Cause once you go without it

Nothing else will do

I sighed, opening the door. Tom looked at me, his eyes scanning my face. I didn't say anything – I looked at him too. I've always loved looking at him. For as long as I could remember, as long as I'd known him. Except this time, it felt different—it felt final.

"Babe—"

"Here," I said, handing him the sweater. He closed his mouth, looking at me confused. "You should check the pockets. When you get home."

"W-wait, what? We have to talk about this." I shook my head, moving to close the door. "Please—"

"I don't want to feel this anymore. I can't afford to feel like this. To feel everything. I really want you to just go home."

"I can't go home without you." I laughed lightly, moving to close the door again.

"You looked pretty comfortable when I saw you there a couple of hours ago." Without another word, I shut the door. I'd left him in the hallway, but I couldn't feel guilty. He'd left me in the hallway waiting for him because he knew I'd always knock on the door. We were both always waiting for the other, when we should've been meeting each other, instead.