colour splash // phan au

five

it'd been exactly two days since phil did just what dan knew he would.

two days, forty-eight hours, two thousand-nine hundred minutes, and it still felt like it had just happened.

each day, dan went to the park alone, in hopes of finding closure. and that's where he sat today, in the grass listening to music.

give me your forever, or at least just for a while. give me never-ending, or at least give me a mile. give me happiness, or at least give me a smile. give me forever for a while.

dan wondered what he did wrong until he finally realized that he did nothing...being himself ruined everything just fine, no outside forces needed.

every word that left phil's mouth was a lie.

"he even said he wanted to kiss me. not even my own family wants to do that!" dan cried into his hands.

his cries engulfed his attention enough for phil to walk up behind him and he not notice.

"the world would be better off without you, and you know it!" he sobbed, straining his fingers through his mess of hair. "you were so idiotic to think someone like phil could love you!"

that broke phil's heart. he, himself, had started to tear up, but he remained completely silent.

"he's too good for you. all beautiful and a-all of his sweet words. and god i really can't believe i was so oblivious and naive!"

phil watched as dan fell farther into his hands and his back shook with sobs. he cried out in moans of sorrow because he couldn't control himself.

it may seem dramatic but, he couldn't stop. he sounded like and animal; like there was in animal inside of him, fighting to escape.

"i just wish i would-i would drop dead! that's exactly what he wants, dan. it's what everyone has yearned for, for a while. i guess-i guess now you want it too."

with that, phil went into a state of pure panic. he dashed away from behind dan, tears streaming down his face at the thought that he could possibly be the reason dan dies.

dan shut the music off, and got ready to leave when he noticed a book bag only a few feet away from his. it looked oddly familiar, then it clicked. the bag was phil's.

all the energy had been drained from dan's body. therefore, he simply kicked the bag over, and walked home in solitaire.

****

the walls seemed to be closing in on phil. and they were closing quickly.

"dan's going to kill himself. oh god. oh my god. he could die. he might actually do it!" phil panted, pacing his room wildly.

a. n. x. i. e. t. y.

memories ran through phil's mind at supersonic speed. he remembered dan's broken eyes, his crooked smile. he recalled the small freckles and thin lines that helped to make dan's face his own.

there was no stop to it all. the feeling of guilt, but it was past guilt. it was so much more than that single word.

people need to realize things more often. maybe they'd all come to the same realization and end up making the world a difference. sadly, not everyone can wise enough to open their eyes to the world around them. not everyone can realize that the universe is so big, and they are only a small speck in the galaxy of the human race.