for the better. | grayson dolan ✔

thirty-five

::
35

it couldn't be.

my eyes followed the trail of blood to a lifeless body sprawled across the floor.

dad.

i fell onto my knees, the moment was so surreal, as if the emotions were stuck during processing and i was sitting here unable to move a muscle

then the rush of emotion hit me. i screamed and cried not knowing what else to do with myself.

ethan came and wrapped his arms around me, his arms were shaking like crazy but i sat in his embrace like a statue.

"oh my god.." came maddy's shaky voice, she was standing by the door with a look or horror as if her eyes were betraying her

victoria, amber and alyssia stood at the door way with their hands over their mouths in shock.

the sound of heavy boots rung through the hotel halls. walkie talkies going off, sirens blaring.

it didn't feel real

grayson ran into the area, police officers and paramedics at his heels

the girls were told to head outside, all of them shaking from the scene they had just witnessed. ethan stayed beside me, keeping me in his arms. he was trying to comfort himself too

"please gather only your necessary belongings, we need to investigate the area before you do so. however after it is all clear you will be transferred somewhere else" one of the police officers explained

my mom broke down and started crying just looking at my dad.

the paramedics now had his body on the stretcher, wheeling it down the hotel hallways. other hotel guests poked their heads out of their units, all curious as to what was going on

i stayed with the girls and ethan for the next hour. ethan was cradling me in his arms, maddy was rubbing my back, amber and victoria went to sit with annie who was crying hysterically.

"im gonna go see what they're doing in the rooms" ethan said after a few hours, getting up.

the police officers were checking every room and everyone's belongings. grayson sat down where ethan had been sitting. i moved a little farther from him, unsure of how to even handle my emotions at the moment.

it felt like a bad dream and that i would wake up from any second.

i rubbed my eyes and looked around, the scene was still the same.

i couldn't bring myself to picture the scene back at the hotel room 

i could feel grayson's gaze on me. i closed my eyes and let silent tears slide down my face. i felt someone's arms around me and turned to see grayson hugging me.

i didn't even push him away, i didn't have enough strength.

"gray, are you okay? victoria asked, looking at him.

he looked back at her but said nothing.

"sorry" i whispered, my legs shaking as i stood up

i made my way towards the bathroom, letting my back slide against the door before my legs hit the cold tiles

why me?

why so sudden?

why were there no warnings?

-

"if you need anything, please call us. again, he is being looked at over at the hospital but we...can't assure anything" the receptionist explained

we were all standing in the lobby of the new hotel we were going to be staying at.

my mom was holding annie, alex was standing with abby and ethan had his arm around me

grayson was standing alone, near the back. the girls had offered to come along but mom thought it was best if they left for a bit.

"thank you" my mom whispered, her voice had been on the verge of breaking every time she spoke

the receptionisnt was very nice and offered to take us all the way upstairs and choose a room of our choice.

we chose a room and everyone put down thier stuff, sitting in silence.

we sat in silence until the sky turned dark. only walking to our rooms once the sun had gone to bed.

i was sharing a room with ethan this time since i needed him by my side

flashback:

my mom sat silently, we had all been a mess for the last couple of hours.

i saw grayson walking towards me, just looking at him was going to make me feel worse. he had been kind to me but my mind wasn't even functioning properly at the moment

i didn't have time to play his little games

"ash we're roommates" he whispered.

"i wanna room with ethan" i replied, walking towards ethan.

i gave him one look and he understood.

"gray, she wants be by her. you can stay with abby" he explained, helping me gather my stuff.

grayson looked hurt.

good

that's what he deserved.

present

i decided to go for a walk, i needed sometime alone.

my dad was alive. he was in stable condition but that didn't assure anything. we were to see him in the hospital soon

I walked to the park and sat in the dark and cried, my life had just changed completely. at this time i would have been with the girls and we would have been talking about bts with the girls, eating popcorn and telling embarrassing stories but here i was, crying over my father

a rustle of leaves shook me out of my thoughts.

was i being watched??