The Call of the Void

The Call of the Void- Chapter 26- Behind Your Back

He should have told him he loved him. It's a weird thing for a guy to do, but he's his best friend. They're a duo, always have been. He should have said it; just once. Just so he knew.

He should have hugged him a little more. He should have supported him a little more. He should have worked with him a little more. He should have been with him a little more. He should have protected him better. There's a certain responsibility that he has to take in this

Now he's gone. Dan can't do any of those things with Jordan anymore. He can only do one thing, really, and he does it right now. He holds him. Dan is on his knees clutching Jordan's bleeding corps to him with tears streaming down his face. Jordan's blood is everywhere; Dan's hands, Dan's shirt, the floor, the knees of his jeans, the thighs of his jeans, Jordan's shirt, Jordan's pants, Jordan's skin. It's everywhere but flowing through Jordan's veins. Dan's forehead touches Jordan's chest, his hands holding him like a rag doll on it's last stitches.

Aleks and Seamus ran out a while ago. Dan barely noticed. He's had something like tunnel vision since he saw Jordan hit the ground. He hasn't felt or seen anything but Jordan for an unmeasurable amount of time. He doesn't care. He doesn't care if an asteroid hits the Earth or an earthquake splits the ground in half. What does it matter if Jordan isn't around to see it?

“Dan?”

Dan shakes his head against Jordan's chest, murmuring something unintelligible.

“Dan, I'm so sorry.”

But Ze doesn't understand. He's trying but he just can't. He wasn't there for when he first met Jordan and they started up the Creatures and Dan finally felt like he had a purpose in life. Ze wasn't there when Dan met Monica and he got to see how happy Jordan could be. Ze wasn't there when Dan found out about Jordan's addiction and how he had to hide all the weapons in the house because Jordan was so afraid that he was going to wake up in the middle of the night and kill Dan in his sleep. Ze wasn't there when James died or when Monica died or anything. Ze wasn't there. He couldn't possibly understand.

Dan shakes his head again.

He can hear Ze moving somewhere else in the room followed by the scrape of metal chair legs along the concrete. The scraping sounds stop right next to Dan and, out of the corner of his eye, he sees Ze's shoes- white soles stained red- next to the chair legs. Dan flinches when the heat of Ze's hand touches his back and begins to move in soothing circles. It's comforting for a brief second, but soon the motion rips painful after painful sob from Dan's lips; loud, broken sobs that Dan has never made before in his life. Dan couldn't say how long they went on for and Ze, with the patience of a saint, continues to rub Dan's back through it all.

Eventually, Dan's breathing calms to a decent rate, his nose snotty and his eyes puffy. He breathes through his mouth, not wanting to smell Jordan's blood any longer. Weakly, he lifts his head, looking straight towards the concrete wall in front of him. He has to look straight into Jordan's lifeless face to do so and the sight just reminds him, so brutally, that this is all real.

Ze's hand leaves Dan's back to tap him on the shoulder. Dan looks to the right to see Ze's hand offering him a tissue. Reluctantly, he removes one hand from Jordan's body to accept it, wiping at the bottom of his nose and accepting another one to wipe at his eyes. Ze takes them both back, pocketing them to dispose of later.