It Gets Better// Perrie Edwards

Mam (11)

Perrie

Fast forward to Christmas Eve 

"Mam, I'm home" I called out as I walked through the front door to the familiar house.

"Hi baby, I'm in the kitchen" My mam called out. Upon hearing this I sauntered through the house to the kitchen, the gift bags in my hand. As I walked through the kitchen door I was immediately pulled into a bone breaking hug by mam, "I have missed you so much Perrie, you have no idea," she whispered into my ear.

"I've missed you too Mam, I always do!" I truthfully said.

"Jonnie is stuck in traffic babe, so we'll do presents later." Mam explained gesturing to the gift bags I was awkwardly holding in my hand.

"He best hurry up I can't wait to give you guys your presents."

We chatted about fairly insignificant things until we heard the deep tones of my brother echo through the house "hello, anyone home?"

"In here." We called out in unison and moments later Jonnie appeared around the door.

He brought us both into a hug before saying "how are the most important ladies in my life?"

"Want a hamburger with that cheese Jon!" I joked, then said "I'm good Jon, tired but happy. Now can we please do presents I'm dying for you guys to open your gifts."

"Fine, come on then let's go to the living room." Mam said picking up her mug and walking through, the two of us following close behind.

"Can we do mine first?" I asked placing the gifts on the coffee table.

"Sure." Mam agreed, kindly smiling at me

Nervously, I passed them their gifts saying "don't open them yet I need to film this for the girls." I pulled out my phone and hit record. Double checking it was filming I exclaimed "okay .... open them". I watched as they both tore the paper off their gifts.

I watched quietly as mam held the frame in her hand staring at it in awe as she realised what she was looking at. Similarly Jonnie was blankly staring at the tee shirt in his hands "oh Shit" he said standing up and hugging me tight to his body. Less than 10 seconds later, Mam could be heard shouting in joy "Shut the fuck up Perrie, are you Pregnant?" All I could muster was a nod in response and instantly my mam jumped up. She ran across the room squealing pulling me into the tightest hug ever, saying into my ear "congrats babes, how long have you known?"

"About a month" I answered as mam placed her hands on my fairly flat tummy "there's nothing there mam" I joked mam continued to rub circles on it.

"Wait, is that why you fainted on Graham Norton?" Jonnie asked his facial expression a mixture between joyous, shocked and concerned.

"You bet ya, I didn't know then but when you asked like a week later why I was still ill, I lied to you saying it was the flu."

"Oh it makes so much sense." Mam hummed as we sat next to each other on the couch. "How have you been feeling?" She asked me taking my hand in hers

"Depends on the day and the time I get up really, the earlier I get up the shittier I feel. I have medicine for the morning sickness to take away the nauseaus feeling but sometimes it doesn't work." I explained, remembering the awful feeling I got every morning.

"I was exactly the same with both of you." mam said, presumably recalling how ill she had been with us.

"I'm not one to ruin the moment or anything but I need to ask, have you told him?" Jonnie asked taking my hand in his.

"I have Jon, I want nothing to do with him but it didn't mean it was easy. I cried for a good few hours after I told him just because of the way he spoke to me on the phone." I sniffed as the memory came back in full force. Jonnie pulled me close to his chest as I began to sob. I felt mam circling her hand on my back and she even whispered comforting words into my ear. "I promised myself I wouldn't cry but I've effed that one up" I huffed as she lifted my head off Jonnie's shoulder.

"You always were the emotional one." He joked back at me as he patted my head.

We continued to open our presents. Not long after we had opened them all mam disappeared upstairs muttering somthing.

"What is she doing, Jon?" I asked, listening to the ruckus mum was making upstairs.

"I have no idea Pez, she muttered something like baby as she left" Jonnie said as he too turned his attention to the floor above.

"Mam, what the hell are you doing up there, it sounds like your having a party!" I called up to stairs, lifting my hands to my mouth to project my voice.

"Nothing Pet, I'll be down in a tick, just carry on watching a film." We heard mam call down.

"Okay!" I shouted back "the bloody hell are we gonna do with her eh?" I joked before sitting down and pressing play on elf, Jonnie joined me. He pulled me down so I was laying in his lap. He began running his hand through my hair and I relaxed, letting go of a tension I wasn't aware I had. It felt strange, Jonnie and I hadn't been close when they were younger but he had always looked out for me. We had got closer and closer since X-factor, since we had seen each other less and less and since my break-up he would ring me often to check up on how I was doing.

After a while mum came down, carrying something behind her back. Jonnie reached for the remote and paused the TV.

"Perrie, I've got something for you." mam declared as Jonnie pulled me up so I was sitting upright. She slowly revealed what was behind her back; a light yellow blanket.

"Mam? Are you sure?" I asked carefully taking the blanket from her and holding it close to my chest.

"Yes, I don't have a use for it, I have had it for what 22 years and now you're having a baby I think you should have it. It still smells like you, in case you wanted to know."

"Oh thanks mam, I'll take care of it." I said wiping away a pearlescent drop from the corner of my eye.

"No problem baby, why are you crying?" Mam asked as she hugged me close to her, wiping away another one of my tears.

"I don't know it's just the baby I think." I explained laughing a little, pushing away another one of my tears.

We finished watching the film and at around 10 o'clock. I was forced to go to bed by my brother and mam who said I was too tired for my own good and that of the baby's. So reluctantly I crawled into the familiar bed that I had had since I was 11, placing the baby blanket at the end of the bed. I wrapped my arm around the teddy I got when I was a baby, pulling it close to me and pressing my face into the familiar soft fur. Next I moved one of my hands from the teddy to rest it on my tummy. Quietly I whispered into the darkness "merry Christmas baby-cakes, as long as you're with me no one will ever hurt you, I'll keep you safe, my lucky charm and love you forever" then closed my eyes and fell asleep, dreaming of holding my baby close to my chest.