It Gets Better// Perrie Edwards

Calm (27)

"Er... so I think I'm in love." I stated, dropping onto the couch by Jesy, as the bus pulled away from the arena we had performed in the day before.

"What!" Jesy replied, throwing her phone on the table, looking at me to continue.

"Well you know how I said I was finding a beech to go to?" I said, with a smile.

"Yup, one in Crosby was it?" She nodded.

"Well I may have half lied because I was going to Crosby but I was actually going on a date at someone's house." I told her, looking down waiting to hear her reaction.

"A date! Pez!" She squealed, grabbing my arm.

"Shhh" I said, laughing at how excited she was getting.

"Oh sorry. With who?" She quizzed, opening her phone probably ready to stalk him.

"Alex from the football team, you know the one with the curly hair who was talking to me." I told her, smiling shyly, as I thought of him.

"Aww Pez, you're blushing, you really like him don't you?" She cooed, as she typed away on her phone.

"Yeah, he's honestly so lovely, I can see my future with him in it!" I gushed, Alex was really incredible, we talked for hours over dinner and it never felt uncomfortable or strange. I truly felt as though I had found my future in him.

"With who?" Jade asked, sitting down on the other side of the table, with Jed.

"Pezza's fallen in love with that Alex kid, and I can see why, look at him he's a dish." She said, turning the phone around so Jade could see him.

"Oh him! He used to play for Arsenal, I've met him, he's great, good guy" Jed nodded, glancing at the phone Jade was scrolling down.

"He is, what d'ya think Jadey-baby?" I asked Jade, worried she wouldn't like him.

"I think he looks lovely and as long as he treats you right then that's great." Jade said with a smile, passing Jesy back the phone, squeezing my hand in reassurance.

"Wait, Pez, you aren't following him, and he's not following you, why?" Jes quizzed, showing his list of followers.

"Well it's still early and we don't want to make it Insta official until it's true." I explained, as my phone dingged, Alex's name popping up, making me smile.

"Oooh is it him? It is! Look at your face!" Jade mocked, trying to take my phone.

I just nodded and opened the message.

Hey P, thanks again for saying yes to coming over. I had the most amazing time and I'm really glad I met you. I've been thinking and I know it's early but I really like you and I was hoping that you'd go on another date with me after your tour, maybe I could come to you. Sorry if it's too early, I just don't want to waste time! Anyway, take your time in replying, thanks again xxx

I smiled, at his message and punched back a quick yes and thank you before looking up to see all of my friends, including Leigh, who Jesy had caught up, eager, waiting for me to give details, even Jed was waiting.

"So he's asked me on another date and I've said yes, I know it's early but I think I really like him." I explained, hoping they understood where I was coming from.

"We know you do Babs, he sounds great and we can't wait to meet him." Jade nodded, smiling brightly, boosting my confidence massively.

"Yeah, I agree with Jade, from what you and Jes have said, he seems like an incredible guy" Leigh agreed, coming over to hug me.

I smiled widely, happy my friends seemed to like my man!

Later on

The happiness left as soon as it came. PTSD came marching on through, pushing away all the happiness being with Alex had created. I found myself laying there in my bunk, shivering violently as the memories came back, that dread of not hearing the heartbeat and the pain of waking up with no baby.

Through the fog in by brain I could just about hear that the bus was silent and all of the girls we fast asleep. I slowly got up, bracing myself on the edges of the bunks, and made my way to the living room where I could cry without risking waking anyone up.

But the calm wasn't helping. I needed to talk to someone and it couldn't be one of the girls because they didn't deserve to be woken up again so I grabbed my phone and dialled Alex.

It rang three or four times before connecting, his sleepy voice coming out of my phone which was positioned in my shaky hand.

"P, you alright hun?" His kind voice asked, I could hear the sleep through it.

"A-Al-Alex" I tried, the shake evidently wasn't just in my hand.

"Oh you poor thing, what's happened sweetie, a bad dream?" He offered as a suggestion, sounding instantly more awake.

"N-n-no I-I c-c-can't s-s-sleep, E-Ebony."

"oh honey, I wish I was with you," he sighed, before continuing, "I tell you what, how about I tell you about my day and distract you from everything?" he suggested, which I agreed to. 

"well, after my angel of a girl left, I moped about for a little bit and then I took Leo and Otis out and thought about this incredible woman who I got to meet at a hospital where she was remembering her daughter and who is the strongest person I know. And I realised that I wanted another date with her and so i texted her and asked her if she wanted to and she said yes and that made me so much more happier and yeah so then I watched a couple of movies and the fell asleep." He finished, my body feeling instantly calmer and more relaxed. 

"Thanks" I said, resting my head on my knees.

"no problem, I'll keep on until I can hear you've fallen asleep." he told me kindly, I wasn't sure what I had done to deserve him but I had him and there was no way in hell's chance I was letting him go.

"Alex?" I said after a short spell of silence.

"My love?" He replied, a slight yawn could be heard afterwards.

"I'm doing a performance in london at X Factor and I was wondering if you wanted to come and watch me and then maybe we could spend a few days together after that." I suggested in a rush, hoping he would  like the idea.

"of course I will Pez! That would be great, I look forward to it Baba." he said and chatted to me for a while until my eyes began to droop and I was soon whisked away to the land of sleep.