It Gets Better// Perrie Edwards

Decisions and Dreams (25)

I flopped down on the sofa in the bus and opened my laptop, ready to start some charity work. The charity had become a blessing more than I could have ever thought. It allowed me to keep busy which was essential in fighting the PTSD I had developed since Eb. The rest of the girls were out, they had invited me but I declined because going out in public was difficult as well.

I checked the total in the charity account and looked at the list of things I had to do. The top was pick a hospital for the next cot. I had to choose between Manchester children's Hospital and Alder Hey which was in Liverpool. I had already given one to Newcastle women's and children's, Leeds children's and Great Ormond Street. Carefully I examned each of the stats about each hospital and came to a decision. 

I took a deep breath and dialed the number I needed, speaking on the phone had always been difficult for me but recently it had become damn near impossible. I just hoped I could be rational about it and get through the short phone call.

Hello is this the head of donations for Alder Hey children's hospital?

Yes it is, how can I help you?

Hi, it's Perrie Edwards, founder of the charity 'A few minutes longer' and I was wondering if I could donate a cuddle cot to your incredible Neonatal ward?

We would be honoured, miss Edwards, that is fantastic news, thank you ever so much.

No problem, I'm aiming to fill every hospital in the UK with one and I have been informed that your hospital is one of the best in the world. My friend's daughter was treated there and I want to give back and this is how I feel I can do it.

Well thank you ever so much, would you be willing to deliver it personally so you can teach us how to use it and also come and meet some of the children?

Of course, I'll be up in Liverpool on September 16th would that be okay or would you like me to arrange and come another time.

The 16th would be fine, we do have Liverpool FC in that day however it would be no trouble, as the more people the patients can meet the better!

Fantastic, would you be able to send me the details for the day and what the hospital is in need of? The other girls will be coming too and we have discussed donating toys as well as the cot, out of our own money.

Absolutely, I look forward to speaking more with you and meeting you. Thanks again.

No problem.

and that was that, I felt a wave  of relief wash over me, as the phone call ended.

"I did it Ebony" I whispered, grabbing the necklace that had her tiny fingerprint imprinted into it, "I'm conquering my fears for you Baby, I'm never going to stop trying."

I glanced the pink blanket on my case and smiled sadly. Sighing, I decided to  get on with the rest of my work, hoping I would get a small nap in. Naps had become a frequent thing for me. I could only sleep short amounts of time due to the PTSD dreams so any opportunity I had I slept.

I finished it all, grabbed the blanket, and curled up on the couch, closing my eyes drifting off pretty quickly.

I gripped her hand as we walked along the crowded high street, her small feet shuffling quickly to keep up with my pace. Her hair was parted in pigtails, that sat high on her head and she had a beautiful summer dress on, giving the world a peak at her scraped knees. She proudly carried a yellow balloon with her, bobbing above her head as she went. 

"Come on Ebony, keep up love" I urged, as cameras began blocking our way.

"I can't Mammy, my feet are so so tired!" she told me dramatically, beginning to drag her feet more and more.

"right, well I'll just carry you then, come on!" I said, hoisting here up onto my hip, trying to sheild her as much as possible from the multiplying crowd, "remind me to tell Auntie Leigh to stop teaching you to be a drama queen!" I added, tickling her little tummy.

"It not Auntie Weigh I just a queen mama!" she responded making me chuckle more, gosh what would I do without her?

"Right then! Let's go and see if Nana Debbie is home." I say popping her in the car seat next to mine.

"Mammy?" She asked, after a shot spell of silence.

"Hun?" I replied, glancing at her little face.

"When will I get a baby brother?" She said making my heart drop.

"Not for a long time, Mam has to fall in love first" I explained sadly, falling in love whilst raising a 3 year old was damn near impossible.

"But I will get one won't I?" She quizzed, putting a thumb in her mouth.

"Hopefully Eb, hopefully" I sighed, patting her leg.

"Okay Perrie" she said I turned to look at her, that did not sound like her.

"Perrie love"

"Pez" I heard, as I bleariliy opened my eyes.

"Hi babe" Jade said, stroking my hair.

"Where's Eb?" I questioned, sitting up, looking around. I soon realised where I was and what was going on. And I sobbed. "I had a dream about her. She was with me. We were happy" I cried, throwing her blanket on the floor, tugging on her necklace hard.

"Shh, I know angel but she's in heaven." Jade consoled, hugging me tightly.

"I broke it" I cried, holding the silver chain.

"It can be fixed, all that is broken can be mended and healed, you have shown me that." Jade told me, as Jed picked up the blanket and wrapped it round my back.

I leaned into Jade and closed my eyes, travelling far away from the small tour bus, trying to block out the emotion. "We're going to donate a cot to a hospital when we're I  Liverpool by the way," I told them, wiping my eyes.

"Wonderful. It's going to get better, I promise." Jade said, squeezing me tightly.

I just had to believe that things would get better and I would heal, just like Jade said.