It Gets Better// Perrie Edwards

New Beginnings (30)

Perrie PoV

"I just don't understand how you'd still want to marry me knowing we probably won't have kids of our own" I cried, holding the results from the infertility clinic in my hand. They had told me I had a 'hostile uterus' and probable had lasting damage from my traumatic delivery that would be 'hard for any egg to implant'.

"I love you Perrie, and no news from a doctor would ever change how I feel about you. So what if we have to use a surrogate or adopt, we'll still love them the same, baby. I still love you the same, if not more. This piece if paper doesnt define you, you are more than this, so much more." Alex told me, taking the piece of paper off me, as he wrapped me in a hug. I curled into him and sobbed. Sobbed because I didn't deserve him. Sobbed because my biggest fear had come true. Sobbed because I just wanted to hold my daughter. "Aww Pez, baby, I'm so sorry, I know this is the worst thing you could ever be told but we're going to run through this storm, head on, and tackle it until we see that sun. I promise you that."

"Can we look into adoption now?" I hiccuped into his chest.

"Yeah, I'll grab the laptop and start looking about how it can happen." He said, grabbing the laptop off the table.

So that's what we did, spent our evening learning about the process, looking at agencies, figuring out how to start and how long it will take.

3 days later and Alex and I were sat in uncomfortable chairs at UNITE ADOPTION AGENCY, having spoken to our families and friends and management. It had been decided that when the adoption finally went through, likely in two years, the girls and I would go on a break so we could get married have kids etc. and hopefully go back a few years later. We didn't feel like we were done with being little mix but we did all feel like we wanted to grow our families soon.

"Mr and Mrs Oxlade-Chamberlain" a woman dressed in a jumper and smart trousers said with a smile.

Alex and I stood up, linked our hands and followed her into the office that was filled with filing cabinets and had a desk with 3 chairs around it.

"Take a seat please," the woman said, gesturing to two chairs. We did so and she took a seat opposite grabbing a folder. "So I'm Aimee and I'm going to try and give you as much information as possible on the adoption process."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Alex and this is my Fiancé Perrie" Alex said, holding his hand out to shake her's, after gesturing to me.

Aimee shook our hands and then opened the folder. "Okay so I first need to know your intrest in adopting, why you want to, how long etc."

"Erm... so I lost a baby over a year ago, it was a late misscariage at 27 weeks and I was recently diagnosed as having scar tissue that would mean I probably won't be able to have my own children. But Alex and I really want to have kids so adoption seemed a plausible route to go down. It's something I have always thought about I had adopted family members and yeah" I tailed off, hoping they were reason enough.

"And you two have really thought about this?" She asked us. Alex and I just nodded back, we wanted nothing more than to have a family and we didn't care how we got to it.

"Okay, so if you were to adopt the process can take upwards of 2 years and will involve court visits, home visits, credit checks, background checks, probationary periods where you would effectively be the child's foster parents and that's only if you adopt internally in the UK if you were to look further afield such as Ethiopia or China then you're looking at upwards of 3 to 4 years." Aimee told us handing us a document titled 'generalised adoption timeline' that was over 4 pages long.

"I think Perrie and I are looking internally at the moment," Alex told her. We had already discussed that this first time we adopt we want to do it within the UK before looking further away for our future adoptions.

"Okay, it's usually wise to do that. Especially because you aren't married yet, foreign adoption prefers people to get married." Aimee explained to us.

"Yeah we've got a date to be married in about a year." Alex told her, holding my hand.

"Perfect, so if you're still interested then we'll have you come in in about a week to start the paperwork and then from that we'll get the process rolling get you on the system, get you a home visit and so on." Aimee said to us, logging into the computer.

We spent the next hour giving our contact information over. Aimee telling us to expect the papers in the post in the next two weeks. We would have to fill the papers in fully before we arranged a home visit if they liked us.

But this was the first step in getting the family that Alex and I deserved.

1 week later
"Al the papers have arrived" I shouted, grabbing the 4 A4 envelopes that were sat on our floor.

"Really babe?" Alex said, coming out of the gym.

"Yeah, can we make a start on them?" I asked him, hanging off his arm a little bit.

"Yeah course bab, I'll just have a quick shower, why don't you ring your Mum, she's been asking afer you but you've not been in." Alex said kissing my head, handing me the phone.

"Okay, love you" I said standing on my tip toes to kiss him.

Hello
Mam, hi it's P
Oh hi love
Hi Mam, just thought I'd ring you have a bit of a catch up.
Yeah I keep ringing but Alex said you were busy
Yeah we've been writing and stuff.
Good good Alex was saying you were waiting for the papers to come though have they?
Yeah they just arrived were gonna start them soon as Al is done in the shower
Right so you'll let me know if you need anything
Yeah, oh Mam
Yes baby
Leigh was wondering if you could make her wedding she said you hadn't RSVPed
Oh shoot I'm sure I sent that er yeah I am, I'm not bringing anyone though
Yay! You can come with Al and I Mam oh and Ellie's going as well so you'll have her.
Okay babe, well I'll let you go come and visit soon yeah, I'm sure nana would love to see you and Jonnie.
We will mammy love you
Love you too Pez, love you too.

"Ready my bab?" Alex asked, standing topless in my kitchen.

"Yeah, I just want to start it so that were closer to our baba" I told him, laying my head on his chest.

"Yep, righty come on then let's start this!" He said, grabbing the envelopes, two pens, placing them on the table, pulling the two chairs out. He kissed my head and guided me over to the table, squeezing my side.

"Okay, first question name," Alex said, taking the pen.

"Erm I erm have no idea for this one is it like Penny Louelle Egberth?" I joked, trying to scare the nerves away.

"Hmmm I actually think it might be the most prettiest name in the whole world Perrie Louise Edwards soon to be Oxlade-Chamberlain" he said scrawlling my name onto the top of the paper. And so we continued filling out all of our details, until we reached the part that would potentially change our lives and a child's life forever.

"Okay so we have to tick 'will consider' 'will not consider' for each of these" Alex said scooching me onto his lap.

"Right, okay girl?" I said looking at him.

"Yeah, boy?" He replied, as I ticked girl and then boy.

We went through every race, all illnesses including addiction, low birth weights, psychosis and learning disabilities, English speaking or not, age, neglect, until we were all done and onto family financial situations.

Basically everything under the sun to bring us one step closer to our sweet sweet boy or girl.