(GxG) Friends Can Break Your Heart Too || JENLISA (COMPLETED)

26 - Feeling Sorry

Lisa

"Feeling better?" Steve asked when my tears stopped flowing and my weeping turned into mere sniffles. I subtly nodded my head, "Still up for a movie?" I asked out of courtesy although I'm not really feeling up to it. My eyes are all puffy and my voice is hoarse from all the crying, and I just feel so drained and empty.

He smiled sympathetically at me before patting my shoulder, "Maybe next time", he said and I smiled gratefully at him. A year ago I wouldn't have imagined that our relationship will turn out to be like this. He's become not just a mere friend to me but also like an older brother who's always got my back no matter how much I mess up. "Thank you." I told him, not just for today but for always being the understanding friend that I needed most.

"Just remember that you can always count on me when you need some shoulder to lean on or some ears to listen to your problems okay?" He stated, a concerned look never leaving his face. I know what he's saying is true yet the small and untrusting part of me still hesitates so I answered, "Okay". It's what he wanted to hear bug I wouldn't be taking him up for his offer soon because I'm still not ready. I don't think I could ever be ready.

I..", he hesitated, looking up to our house before shaking his head and looking back to me, "I guess I'll get going then. Bye."

"Take care!" I shouted as I watched him retreat to his car before driving off into the distance.

..

"How did it go?" Asked Rosie cautiously upon seeing me enter the house. She looks all perturbed, and although I wanted to reassure her that everything will be okay, my mind and body wanted to do another. All I long to do is to lay down in bed and just forget, even just for a moment, about everything that had transpired today. "It went fine", I told her, not telling her much detail as I avoided gazing upon her deep brown eyes –the very same eyes that possesses me to do things that I shouldn't be doing; the very same eyes that resembles the girl I cherish the most.

"Ummm... do you want me to go? We can do this some other time." She suggested, worry and sadness laced in her dreary, yet still sweet, sweet voice. She's still being so dear to me and it makes me feel even more despicable about losing myself earlier for I know that I was merely using my mixed emotions and feelings for her to escape from a deeper and darker desire of mine.

"Yes, if it's okay. I'm just so, so tired." I sighed, still looking down.

"Sure, let's talk some other time okay?"

I finally looked up to her and expressed my deepest regret, "I'm really sorry."

"Come here", she said before embracing me into her soft, warm arms. She just felt so comforting and smelled so sweet that all I wanted at in that moment is to stay just like this and be wrapped in her tight embrace all night. "Everything will be fine", she reassured; but this time I didn't believe her.

I don't think I'll ever be fine, knowing that she'll never be mine.

After Rose left and I was finally alone at our house, I immediately proceeded to my room and as soon as I flopped down my bed, I felt all of my remaining energy being drained away as sleep overtook me.

You can't run away from yourself.

A voice sounded in the distance and I snapped my head up in search for the source, but I didn't see anything except complete and utter darkness. "Steve?" I called out but still, no one replied. It feels as if the night is slowly creeping up to me, and I am starting to get scared by the ominous feeling in my room. When I couldn't bear it anymore, I finally sprang to my feet and got out of my bed. I wanted to get away from this heavy feeling as fast and as far away as I could but my effort was all futile for my feet is slack and the floor is quicksand.

You can't run away forever.

Now the voice resembled Rosie's, and I momentarily felt relief with the familiarity of it. "Rosie?" I tried to looked around once more, but this time the darkness had totally taken over and now I couldn't even see my own hands! "Please! Show yourselves!" I cried out but still, no one came to me. I'm all alone, forsaken, and deserted.

Panic rising up, I began exhausting more energy to get my legs working; and when it finally did, albeit sluggish and heavy, I immediately scurried out of my room, but abruptly stopped when I saw a figure standing just outside my door.

You can't run away from me forever.

The familiar-looking silhouette said, making me look up in horror as I realized who it was that's staring me down with a cold and disgusted pair of eyes. All at once, everything started to crumble down and I found myself plunging into an immense, and endless blackhole.

Quickly, I jerked myself up to save myself from the imaginary fall, but when my mind finally took in my familiar surroundings, it was then that I finally allowed myself to expell a relieved breath, and anchor myself to reality. I realized that I am covered in cold sweat and my heart is beating wild and loud; but what disturbed me the most is the dark, ugly, and shitty feeling inside in my stomach. It felt as if there's a large, open blackhole in inside of me and it's mercilessly eating me up from the inside. It was the worse feeling ever and I groaned out loud from the pain and agony.

Please take this pain away.

I didn't know how else to make it go away so I just lay there, clutching at my stomach, praying to anyone out there to grant me my reprieve as I tried to hold on until the darkness subsides. I felt so alone, weak, and powerless in the dead silence of the night, and nothing can stop the raging tides of my emotions from pouring out of my soul.

I wanted to believe that I could still go on, that I could still plug it all in and make all of these harrowing feelings go away, but my secret is already out there. Everything felt more real and tangible, and no amount of lies and denials could save me now from drowning in this bottomless sea.

"I tried." I said out loud, as if pleading –asking for forgiveness for what I'm about to do. I did all my best to contain and bottle up my feelings but I had enough! I couldn't do it any longer!

So hurriedly, I put on my flip flops and shuffled out of bed before quickly stepping out of my gloomy residence with one sole purpose in mind.

---
Playlist:
Too Much To Ask - Avril Lavigne

AN:
Someone should stop chatting me up and keeping me up at night if she wants a faster update.  😂