(GxG) Friends Can Break Your Heart Too || JENLISA (COMPLETED)

47 - Just Say Goodnight (END)

Jennie

"I was afraid to find out if you wanted me too." She whispered and I felt my blood drain from my face. I looked down to my hands, away from her burning stare. To tell you the truth, I honestly don't know how to react to her question. A part of me is afraid don't know how to answer that so I asked another question instead, "why...why do you say that?"

"I love you Nini, but I wasn't ready to know who I was. Even now I am still hiding who I really am, and I don't even know if I would ever be ready to show to the world who I really am. I am so afraid and uncertain," she held my chin and redirected my gaze towards her, "but what I'm most afraid and uncertain of is our future together. I learned that no matter how much you love someone, some things just aren't meant to be. Or maybe I just made it all up in my head that we aren't meant to be."

She looked at me expectantly, as if I have the answer to all of her questions. But I don't. I felt as if the world has tilted and that I'm tethering into madness. "I..I don't know what to say." I let out. I am too stupefied that my cognitive ability had ceased to properly function.

She shook her head, "I'm not asking you to say anything Jen. I don't have the rights to demand anything from you." She retrieved her hands and stared at her lap with a bitter smile on her lips. "It's just that when it's just the two of us, and I look into your eyes...suddenly time ceases to exist and the moment becomes almost", she finally turned to look at me with a blazing heat in her eyes, "magical." It was barely a whisper, but I felt it down to my core as my senses came alive. The air around as seemed to thicken, and I am afraid that if I just as so much take a breath, that the moment will suddenly break like a fragile glass.

"I've always thought that maybe it's all in my head, you know, but when you stare at me like how you are staring at me right now I start to wonder..." I was ensnared, unable to look away as she continued, "that maybe it's not just I who gets this wonderful feeling in my chest...whose heart speeds up at every touch", as if on cue, my heartbeat sped up a pace as she brought her thumb to my lips, "whose lips tremble at each burning touch." She caressed my lips, making me involuntarily shiver. Oh what is happening to me?

I had a dream once, just like this, and in that place where illusion is reality, nothing else existed except the two of us, and we were free to do whatever we want. And so under the neverending sky, I let myself be drowned by her burning stare and fervent touch. But in this reality, nothing is as simple as she said. I've already chosen who I wanna be with for the rest of my life, but why does my heart dread? Why does it weep for a future that will never be?

Noticing the anguish that has settled on me, she quickly retracted her hand from my lips and apologized. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to burden you further with how I feel. And either way, I'd still get hurt no matter what your answer is so better just let it be until I can finally move on completely."

"Lis," I called out her name gently, my heart breaking, seeing her this helpless and self-loathing, "please don't ever think that your feelings will burden me. Any girl--or boy would be so lucky to be loved by someone as sweet, caring, protective, adorable, spontaneous--okay I'd probably end up describing you all night," I smiled, earning a small and genuine smile from my friend, "but my point is that anyone would be lucky to receive your love."

The smile on her lips didn't stay for long as a pained expression crossed her face, "Even though it almost ruined our friendship?" Her voice trembled and a single tear escape down her face.

With her words, all the memories and the pain of these past year all came crashing down on me, an all-too-familiar dreadful feeling settling down my chest---that of which I never ever want to feel ever again. I looked at her dead in th eye and finally spoke, "It's true...I would be lying if I say that I would be able to forget all the pain it caused me," her eyes looked even more anguished as she heard these words from my lips, "but...I know you never wanted for it to be that way. Even though you hurt me the most, I know deep in my heart that you are the last person on Earth who would want to hurt me."