(GxG) Friends Can Break Your Heart Too || JENLISA (COMPLETED)

34 - Wait Forever

Lisa

Was I too late?

"I may have forgiven you Lis, but I still haven't forgotten. I...I don't think I'm ready to go back and pretend like nothing ever happened. It's not as simple as that." Jennie continued, eyes gently pleading for me to understand.

For a moment, I was unable to get any words out due to the tidal wave of emotions drowning me; mercilessly suffocating me. Seeing me like this, Jennie's eyes softened in pity, gently adding, "I'm really sorry."

Chest heaving out in defeat, I was finally able to take hold of my emotions as I slumped back into my seat. "I understand." I let out, staring ruefully at our entwined hands.

I may not be able to feel the softness and warmth of her hand for a long time.

But this isn't so bad. Having her forgivness is more than enough, and I could not ask for more than this. I'm not the same selfish person that I used to be; I'm willing to give her the space and time that she needs, no matter how long it would take, for she's done the same for me. It may be a long, long time before we can be together again, but I can wait---even if it takes forever.

After another stretch of silence, I heaved a long sigh and decided that I might as well open up since it may take another eternity for us to have this kind of heart-to-heart conversation, "Don't you want to ask why I did the things I did? Why I pushed you away?"

"The question is, are you ready to tell me why?"

"I--" I stopped, surprised by her question. I dreaded hearing her answer, but I never expected for her to ask me how I feel about it even though I know she wanted to hear the truth from me. "I don't know. To tell you the truth, I don't know if I'll ever be." I admitted. Sure, a part of me wanted to tell her---maybe out of obligation---but honestly, I'm really, really terrified to do so.

"Then don't tell me; not when you aren't ready." She stated, lightly squeezing my hand as if to reassure me that it's okay and that she understands.

"But you deserve to know." I insisted, despite feeling relieved that she isn't compelling me to confer to her my secret. I am still obliged to tell her, am I not?

"I agree," she let out a small chuckle, "but I also know that it isn't easy to do something you're still not ready to do. Just like me, I'm still not ready to go back to how we were just yet, so I understand if you don't tell me everything. There are secrets that we'd rather take to our grave, but considering how much heartache I've been through, I think I, at least, deserve to know may it be after a few days, months, or even a few years from now. I won't rush you to tell me, but I'm also not asking you to keep it from me forever."

I thoroughly considered her words until I was able to fathom the magnitude of what she's trying to say. She's carefully considering how I feel about it, putting my welfare above hers, and for a second, I was almost tempted to profess my unwavering devotion to her. But then I caught myself wondering, 'Is this really the right time?' because the moment just doesn't feel right. There is a perfect time for everything, and it feels as if right now isn't the best time for me to confess---not when she's still not ready to take me back, even as a mere friend---so I just nodded my head and silently thanked her for being so perspective and understanding.

Maybe a few years from now, when my feelings for her have faded with the help of time and distance; when I can completely accept the fact that we may never be; when I can trully say that I have moved on---maybe then will I be able to tell her the truth without breaking down. By then it will all just be water under the bridge; maybe we'll even laugh about it like old friends...or maybe, just maybe--STOP! Don't go there and make yourself and your best friend suffer any more than you already had!

"I guess I should be going back now then." I abruptly announced to halt my thoughts. I still have a thousand questions I wanted to ask; a thousand words I wanted to say; a thousand topics I wanted to discuss; but right this moment, it felt as if we already reached a conclusion, and that everything has already been said and done. "For sure, my parents are already frothing at the mouth since I stayed out too late, especially since tonight's a school night." When Jennie scrunched her eyebrows in confusion at my statement---the night is still fairly young---I added with a small pout, "I'm grounded until graduation."

I watched her mouth form a silent 'Oh' as her eyes flashed with something akin to...regret? "Okay." She breathed out, almost a whisper.

With our hands still entwined, I stood up from our seat, then she followed suit, gently untangling her hands from mine in the process and I instantly missed her touch.

This is the price I have to pay.

"Good--" I choked, feeling my throat clog up as my eyes start to sting and my heart start to ache. I was just gonna greet her goodnight but it felt as if I was already saying goodbye. Although I feel as if a blade has been wedged in my heart, I really don't want to make her feel guilty about her decision, so I did my best to swallow the lump in my throat and try again, "Goodnight." I forced out, feeling thankful that my voice didn't fail me this time.

I watched as her perfectly sculpted lips form the words 'goodbye', and I savored the way her captivating brown pools swam with so many indistinguishable emotions. I wanted to hug her one last time, but I was rooted at my spot, just staring at her as if I was in a trance. There are people who looks majestic under the bright halo of the sunlight, but I think having Jennie's face cast aglow by the moonlight like this suits her the best. She just looks unbearably enchanting tonight, and I struggle to find the right words to say or the strength to look away---but I have to. So once and for all, I quickly memorized her arresting features before painfully extricating myself as I looked away, uttering with a forced smile, "See you around."

I briskly walked away from the Kim's backyard and headed towards ours, and when I deemed that I was at a safe distance, only then did I allow myself to drop the smile that I've been forcing and let my eyes fill up with tears although I refused to let it fall. I'm still in close proximity with Jen, and I didn't want her to see me like this and feel obliged to forgive me, just because I'm hurting and she feels responsible. I wanted to honor and respect her decisions, even if my heart is bleeding.

I can wait forever.

At last, I finally reached the safety of our home, but just as I was about to open the back door of my abode, a loud, piercing cry shattered the silence of the night.

"WAIT!"

---
Playlist:
Simple Plan - I Can Wait Forever

AN:
Hah! I couldn't resist you guys so I published this sooner. Honestly, I thought I'd be ending this book by now but at this rate there will be another 8 Jennie and Lisa chapters before this book ends lol.

I also confess, the main reason why I separated this chapter and the last is because of the playlist song. I know it's kinda petty but I set the mood of the chapter with a song when I write.