This is a story of how your friends can hurt you in many different ways---may it be by breaking your trust, your promises, your expectations, or maybe even your heart.
Summary:
It has always been Lisa and Jennie ever since they were young. They were...
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When I got outside, I found out that it was softly drizzling outside, but that didn't stop me from padding my way through the darkness and cold. I strode with a purpose towards Jennie's house, and when I reached her all too familiar windows, I immediately noticed that it wasn't closed all the way, making me feel heartened by this little gesture. I'm sure she had left it open all this time specifically just for me, her unworthy friend.
Not wanting to disturb my friend's peaceful slumber, I carefully pried the window open and cautiously inserted myself inside when it was wide enough for me to fit. By the time I got myself inside, I was already shivering down to my bones due to my damp clothes and the chilly January night air.
In contrast with my dark and dreary room, my friend's appears to be homely and warm. Her bed is lightly illuminated by the lamp post in her nightstand, and I was able to gaze longingly at her beautiful, sleeping form; and it was enough to make me feel warm inside.
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My sweet angel.
She looks so serene and untroubled asleep that it made me feel very remorseful for hurting such a lovely creature sent from the heavens. She didn't do anything wrong; all she did is to make me fall deeply and utterly in love with every single piece of her, and yet I still hurt her in the worse way possible.
Wanting to feel her body's warmth and watch her chest carefully rise and fall with each single breath she takes, I subconsciously made my way towards her bed and sat down beside her. God, she is so close, yet still so far and out of my reach.
My aching and longing hand went up on their own and made it's way towards her face, and I gently tucked her soft, raven hair behind one exposed ear to fully appreciated her soft lips, her kissable cheeks, her elfin chin, her cute nose -her beautiful everything. God must be so benevolent for allowing such beauty to exist, yet also so, so cruel for making it impossible for me to call her mine.
Looking around her room, I've come to realize that most of the pictures displayed now are of her and Donny, and it just made me all the more dishearteaned and forlorn.
She'll never be yours.
The voice inside my head taunted me, but I ignored it and turned it down before getting under the covers behind her and propping my head up to be able to behold her serene beauty. It's already in the wee hours of the night and I doubt that she'll wake up given that she's a deep sleeper. I used to hate it that she's dead to the world whenever she's in her slumber because I used to always pay her an early visit, but right now I'm kind of glad for it; because what I'm about to do, what I'm about tell her, it's not something that she deserves to hear from me considering how much I've put her through. I just needed to get this off my chest, and this is the closest I could ever get to being honest with myself, to being able to tell her how I feel, and I'm already contented with it; I could not ask for something more.
This is my punishment for hurting you.
This is my punishment for falling in love with you.
A lone tear fell from my eyes as I gently caressed her cheeks because I know, god I know, that not even the heavens could make her heart feel something it won't.
"Do you still remember?" I softly asked, "I've asked you once if you believe in forever, and you answered yes without hesitation", my lips formed a downcast smile remembering something so precious, "you were so sure that we'd always be together no matter what, and I was so happy when you told me this", I breathed out as I traced the soft line of her jaw, "But now I'm not so sure anymore if I should be happy or sad."
Jennie softly mumbled in her sleep, making me smile fondly despite the throbbing pain in my chest. I'm a slave for the little things she does, and so I've waited for her mumblings to cease before I continued laying down my heart. "I wanted our forever to come true Jennie, believe me I do. Even God knows how much I desire for us to be together forever; but I could only make it come true by doing it the only way I know how."
I closed my eyes, and delicately wrapped my arms around her to feel the burning warmth of her skin. I may not be able to hold her lovingly like this for a very long time, so I savored every moment I have left to feel her this close to me before the sun rises and shatter this moment of sanctuary where only she and I exist. Where my love for her is the only thing that matters, and nothing else.
Every hurt, every happiness, every laughter, every smile, all of it slowly replayed in my mind, and I it was the first time I ever let myself feel the magnitude of my love for her. It's so powerful and all-consuming that I almost keeled over from the overwhelming feelings and emotions. She's the fundamental of my being and the only way to give her up is to restructure myself, and start over from the beginning; but right now, all I wished for is to be entwined with her forever; but all too soon I opened my eyes and caught the first rays of the new dawn timidly peeking through my lovely friend's windows.
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That's when I decided to finally allow myself to surrender, and release her from my longing embrace. I gently kissed her cheek, and took one last good look my achingly beautiful friend before softly whisphering, "I love you, my sweet angel."
With heavy heart and lament, I decisively pulled myself out from our illusive sanctuary, and walk away.
Away from my dreams.
Away from my one and only love.
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--- Playlist: I Can't Make You Love Me (Cover by Bon Iver)
