seahorses and crabs

why

Eridan's pov

As i walk into the room where karkat was, i feel my heart race. Am i really prepared to see what kind of state he's in? 

yes

I open the door that leads to his room, inside was walls of white and light blue, 3 chairs and of course the hospital bed kar was in. i was happy that there was a window that he could look through. kar always looked out the window in the classes we were in together, sometimes he would draw what he saw in his jotter. 

As i walk in my gaze falls onto karkat, he was sleeping so i had to be quiet. he was in the hospital clothes they must have given him, his hair was still its usual messy style if not a bit more messy. he looked pale, and its understandable why, he lost a lot of blood. under his eyes were a bit dark, he hasn't slept.  i take a deep breath before looking at his arms, and i stopped breathing when i did. his arms were covered in scars, some faint, some clear, and the new ones he did only a few hours ago. i had to sit down to register it all and not fall over from shock. Cronus goes over to me and says something, but i don't hear him, all i can hear is white noise as i stare at the marks on karkat. i felt sick, i felt mad, but most of all i felt disappointed in myself. how could i not have seen what he was doing? how could i not have picked up on the way he was acting. thoughts ran through my head as i imagine what i could have done to stop this all from happening. if i helped him, his arms wouldn't have been in the state they are. 

Cronus' pov

i notice that eridan was about to fall and i get him to a chair, i look at him. he looked so shocked and pale

" eridan, can you hear me? its ok hes going to get better" i say calmly and soft. i didn't want to risk waking up karkat

eridan didn't answer me, he just kept staring. i was about to take him out of the room when i felt a hand on my shoulder. i looked up and saw that it belonged to kankri. he was giving me the look of " don't". i sigh and stand up, i glance at karkat, looks like hes finally getting some well deserved and needed sleep. i cant imagine what kankri and his dad are going through, but i know what karkat is going through. ill need to talk to him privately. 

as i'm lost in my own thoughts i'm snapped out of them by the sound of sniffling, i look around to see who was possibly crying. karkats friends either looked shocked or unhappy, but none were crying. i looked at his father, he just had a blank look, he didn't know how to respond it seems. understandable, no father wants to know what lead their son or daughter to do this sort of thing to themselves. as i scan the room i notice that no one was crying, i look over at eridan and he was still lost in his own thoughts. that only left....

i look down slightly at kankri, the source of the crying. he was looking directly at karkat and tears were streaming down his face, i feel my heart shatter in my chest. i never thought id see kankri this way, and it hurts so much to see it. i make a quick decision to take him out of the room. 

outside feels calmer, not cramped as it did in the room. the air was colder and easier to breathe. i lead kankri to a chair so he can sit down. as he does i crouch down in-front of him. i couldn't care less if anyone saw me this soft, if it would ruin the image i made for myself, i didn't care at all. what i did care about... more like who i care about is kankri, i've never seen him this way and i was determined to make him feel better, no matter what. I'm about to wipe his tears away when i remember he doesn't like physical contact unless..

" kankri, I'm just going to wipe your tears away, so 'm going to need to touch you only for 10 seconds. #physical contact"

he looks me in the eyes when i say this, i can see surprise in those wonderful faint red eyes, they're nothing compared to his eyes when he was alive, they were a brilliant candy red, always making me loose my train of thought. 

i gently press my thumbs against either of his cheeks, wiping away the tears and gently wiping under his eyes. I'm careful to keep within the time limit i said i was going to touch him for, the last thing kanny needs is for me to trigger him. when I'm done wiping away the salty tears from his face i go to take my hands away.. when I'm stopped. 

i look at kankri, honestly very surprised that he was making me keep my right hand against his cheek. i blush softly 

"kan, uh...i'm over my time limit" i manage to say, his hand is so soft

" ...i know, but i need to make sure this is actually happening, that i'm not just having a nightmare" he says quietly, looking right at me

i smile slightly, but i quickly stop it. i shouldn't be smiling at a time like this. i cant help it though, his cheeks are so warm and soft, his hand is delicate but has strength. 

" why.." 

i snap out my daze

" what?"

"why didn't he tell me, why didn't he tell anyone? i would have understood him, i'm certain i would have"

i sigh softly " sometimes it's not easy to tell someone when you need help, you feel like you would be being greedy asking for help. you don't want to make anyone worried or bothered by you so you keep it all to yourself, convince yourself that if you tell someone you'll only be bothering them" 

" but.... he wouldn't have been bothering me, i would have dropped everything to help him"

"sometimes that means he doesn't want you to, he wants you to keep your life in order before worrying about his"

"i always worry about his"

"which only convinces him more" 

kan sighs and looks to the floor, trying to hold back more tears. i take a deep breath and gently hug him, ready for the rant that's more than likely to ensue

i wait

and wait

....but nothing

suddenly i feel warmth, he was hugging back. i blush deeply, heat swarming my cheeks. he was so soft, cuddly even. i hear a soft purring, i smile and look at him. he seemed calmer, my task complete. i keep hugging him till he feels better or until he lets go.

"thank you" he says