Is it failing grades? Failing to socialize? Failing to communicate? Failing to live? Failing to love? Failing to accept things the way they are? Failing to love yourself? Failing to see the point of life...
Life... What is it? Is it just a time where you're born and go through childhood, then adolescence, then adulthood, then you become an elderly and then.... Death... Why is death such a big deal... It's the end of suffering, for me at least.
I'm failing at such little things, for example walking. My legs feel heavy. Almost as if something is tied around my ankles and I'm pulling it. Almost as if I can't control it. My shoulders feel like they're carrying the weight of the world and my head spins. Yet... No emotion. Completely blank. Nothing. Am I even alive?
I'm failing to keep my grades steady, I'm failing to communicate with people.
I'm failing to reach out to those I trust when I'm in pain.
I'm failing to fix my friendships.
I'm failing everything.
I'm failing at telling people how I feel.
I'm failing socialize.
The strong can fall weak, the happy can become sad, the cheerful can cry, the social can have anxiety, the one who smiled can have depression, the one you've never seen sad can cut and wish themselves dead yet no one sees. They're all failing.... And so am I.
No matter how hard you try, you can't reverse time. Might as well accept reality and move on. If you could be sent back 1 year from now... What would you say to your past self? Mine is "don't do it" she'll understand.
